Romans 15:13

Confidence. I have struggled with confidence for so long. I will be honest and say I am struggling with it today as I sit here and write this. Fingers were pointed, degrading remarks made, life seemingly made difficult because of a lack of communication... and now confidence. All of this done because of fleshly desires... because of the dark areas in man. And Satan uses it against me... a struggle I have faced so long... the battle of a lifetime. My confidence in me is a bit low... but that is because my heart is focused on me. Refocusing on Christ and confidence can soar. Peace and joy abound through the gift of grace and love. Focus on Him who loves me, the One who holds me and never lets go. Confidence once again begins to be restored through the one who loves me.
------------------------------
"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit."

~*Romans 15:13 (NLT)*~

1 Peter 4:8

One of my favorite songs at this point in time, other than "Can't Get Over You", is "Hold Us Together" by Matt Maher. Love will hold us together. It brings peace and healing. Love gives life. In my own life love saved me, not just spiritually but it literally saved my life. Friends, sisters, brothers... a love for Jesus... looking past my failures, filth, and their own feelings and desires, they loved me. That love led me to Christ and saved my life in more ways than I could ever have imagined. Christ's love covered all of my sin. My friends' love looked past that sin to the desires of Christ. Not only does the love poured out on the cross cover my sin, but the love for the One on the cross gives life, not just to the loving but to the loved. Love holds us together.
--------------------------------------
"Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins."

~*1 Peter 4:8 (NLT)*~

Romans 10:14-15

I love to reflect. I love to think. Sometimes it happens maybe a little much but that may not always be a bad thing. This weekend was one of those times. Not only was it the first weekend I have had to just sit back and reflect but it also held an abundance of thoughts and meaningful conversations. There was the long overdue two hour hangout/conversation with my best friend and then listening to a friend talk about a trip he is taking in the very near future to teach the English language in a foreign land. Tomorrow there will be a meeting with yet another friend planning to travel to a foreign country, a friend's email about an opportunity to go overseas, and the multiple conversations about my hopes for a future (hopefully soon) trip to Haiti as well as my heart for returning to Africa some day. And God has amazed me with the generation I am a part of. This generation that is seemingly ruled by those who think with a deserving mentality and who seem to live with some sense of entitlement and selfishness. In the midst of this generation, from a selfish world, God has shown me hearts set apart for Him. He has taken hearts from a selfish generation and made them into hearts that want to make a difference, not just on earth. He has created these hearts to make a difference for His Kingdom.
----------------------------------------
"But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them? And how will anyone go and tell them without being sent? That is why the Scriptures say, "How beautiful are the feet of messengers who bring good news!""

~*Romans 10:14-15 (NLT)*~

1 Corinthians 10:12-13

Temptation beats up everyone. Even Jesus faced the trials of temptation. Different situations may be tempting to different people. Each faces their own but all face something. The good news is that God always gives us a way out. He never gives us more than we can handle and when we stick close to Him we can endure anything. We can conquer every situation because nothing is impossible for God. Temptations come in so many forms... we face them everyday around every corner whether it be food, sexual sin, anger, words, actions, thoughts, money, etc. Temptation comes in many shapes and forms. God gives us the ability to recognize and run, to choose the right from wrong, and to pray. He lights the way... gives us the opportunity to follow... gives us the option to endure. The choice is yours!
---------------------------
"If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall. The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure."

~*1 Corinthians 10:12-13 (NLT)*~

James 4:17

Today I had to stop and think... and it kind of caught me off guard. Most of the time I get myself into trouble by reacting, not for the lack of action. Most of the time I catch myself in sin because of my reaction to something as opposed to not acting on a push by the Spirit. I have felt the conviction before of not having done something that I maybe should have done. I have felt the pain in choosing to do one thing even though I knew something else was a better decision... even though I knew the other decision was the right choice, I chose not to follow up on it. The conviction and pain was sin. I have never thought of it as so, but that is what it is; a lack of compliance to God's plan or what He is telling me to do. It is sin I feel when I ignore the Holy Spirit's call towards one choice or another... either I do not do it or I choose to do something else. It is sin to ignore God's call... to choose to not do whatever it is God has, is, or will call me to do.
----------------------------
"Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it."

~*James 4:17 (NLT)*~

Matthew 7:7-8

I have always been told that patience is a virtue... it is an amazing gift, not just to those around me but to myself as well. I know prayer changes things... nothing is impossible to God and He listens to those who love Him. So when you put the two together you have a persistent relationship with the one who knows all and can do all. He answers every prayer, just in His own time. We may not see the answer... but we may not be looking in the right places. A prayer is answered in an unexpected way... it is a yes, just maybe not the yes we want it to be. Persistence in a pursuit of God... patience in waiting... open eyes to see His blessing... open ears to hear His yes.
---------------------------------------
"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened."

~*Matthew 7:7-8 (NLT)*~

Colossians 1:13-14

Growing up, little kids always want a hero or to be the hero. Sometimes I wanted both, but most of the time I wanted to be rescued. There may still be some of that in my life today when I take a look at the movies and TV shows I like (the movies Taken and Unstoppable as well as the TV shows Chuck and CSI:Miami to name a few). What about real life?

I have a rescuer, redeemer, and a hero. He has rescued me from evil, saved me, and brought me into a safe place to restore and heal me. I have my hero in Christ Jesus who sacrificed more for more than any TV or movie star could imagine doing on the big screen. As hard as they may try, they will never portray that sacrifice and heroism as it truly is. Done out of love and not obligation to be a hero, Jesus became the best of all. He became a payment for freedom for all mankind.
--------------------------
"For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins."

~*Colossians 1:13-14 (NLT)*~

A Call to Follow

Have you ever felt like you have found a calling in life... found your calling? You found what you are called to do but almost everything in your current life disagrees. Your finances, debt, health, and all but a few hand-fulls of people disagree... everything and so many people seem skeptical about that calling, telling you to pray more and offering other ideas... telling you that in your life you just do not have the resources and that it will not work out... those doubts even take over your thinking ever now and then. I go back to a question I was asked recently: if I could do ANYTHING in this life to glorify God and knew I could NOT fail, what would it be? My first (and quick) response, heart and mind, is that I would not be here. I would be living somewhere in a foreign land with a visible need. I would be living somewhere to meet a need, not of myself (although I'm sure there would be needs met), but the needs of others... Africa pops into my head first... then Haiti and I have not even been there (yet). And then I think... if it is God's plan, I cannot fail. Even if it is "failure" according to human perspectives, God's plan is perfect. God is perfect. HE DOES NOT FAIL!!!! (That is what perfect is in case you did not know).

But then back to doubt. My life currently seems to disagree with this crazy answer. Finances, college debt, and available resources... and health... the fears that all hold me back from doing so much. A calling so strong and clear that I finally realize if God wants it, it is what is best for my life. While most, myself included, are skeptical, God is sure. He knows what He is doing and what He is calling me to do... He is God after all. Finances and college loans (as well as other debt)... He has given me enough to meet those needs... it may not seem or look like much but it is enough. Health, the scariest of all of my fears... He has taken great care and put me in great care with great support around me and helping... shaped me up... given me new life, a breath of fresh air, a new hope... taken great care. And resources... we may not have "enough" of them, but God has them all... He created them. Is it enough? Even if not all seems to agree, one does... God agrees and that is the most important thing... God is enough. Even if I am scared out of my mind... curious as all get out but scared... God is still enough.

My initial response to this onslaught of thought: "Maybe not now but possibly someday God". Really Sharina? Did I just say that to God? Then there is this thought: God's timing. If He wants it and you want Him, it will happen. It should be Him telling me and me responding... not me telling God and ignoring a call. My response should be "whenever" not "maybe later". If God wants it to be later, it will be later... if not deal with it, God wants me now. And what if it does appear that I fail according to those around me? The response: Man appears to fail... GOD NEVER FAILS. He will not and cannot fail. He is God. God is perfect. His plan for my life is perfect. So even if I am a failure according to some of the people around me, a waste according to some of them, I know I am not. When we are in God's will and following the plans He has set before us, technically we will not fail because God's plan is perfect. If God is for me, then nothing can stop me. God is simply enough.
---------------------------------------------
"Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant."

~*Galatians 1:10 (NLT)*~

John 14:6-7

I had never really thought about it. I had never really questioned it. I really never had a reason to do that either... never, that is, until I chose a life for Christ over the world. Then it hit me like a piano falling from the sky or somebody busting a guitar of my head. What is the "way" to heaven? How is God within reach of a mere human being such as myself? How can we know Him, reach Him, be with Him?

The answer: Jesus... and that is not just the "Sunday school right answer" but the answer Christ himself gave. Jesus is the ONLY way, the ONLY truth, and the ONLY life. He does not jump around the issue at hand but rather he says it quite plainly. There is no mistaking what Jesus says or claims to be. To me it is not a church, a religion, or a book. The answer is Christ Jesus. It is a relationship with Love. He is a life... a way to live and a truth to live by.
------------------------------
"Jesus told him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me. If you had really known me, you would know who my Father is. From now on, you do know him and have seen him!"

~*John 14:6-7 (NLT)*~

2 Corinthians 5:14-17

Change... some people like it, others do not. Sometimes change is good, other times not so much. To me it seems it all depends on perspective and what it is causing the change. Four years ago I began to change. Slowly something began to tug at my heart. I had made a decision to live for Jesus. I made that decision not knowing the so called "cost" of following Christ. It was not a bad change but from my perspective it looked like it could be. I verbally expressed it but my actions did not show it. For two years there was a mental, spiritual, and physical struggle. I was sitting on the fence, one foot with Christ, the other with the world.

Something began to change even more, however. I began to see more and more benefits of living for Christ. Not only did I see it spiritually, but also mentally and physically. I went to Africa for a month and returned with somewhat of a new perspective... it took a while to realize. I began to understand more of what it meant to be a "Christian". I saw the benefits and reasons as to why leaving the "old self" behind was a good thing. I saw the benefits and protection offered on the "Jesus side" of the fence.

Christ's love began to control me. The Holy Spirit moved in me. Four years ago had you told me I would go to Africa, change my life, finish a Perspectives class, and feel pulled and tugged toward a future trip to Haiti, I would not have believed you. I would have called you crazy. I would have thought I was going to turn out crazy. I am, in a way, crazy... crazy in love with Christ! Crazy in love enough to get rid of the old and start fresh with the new. Christ's crazy love for me is what controls me. The crazy love poured out on the cross is the craziness I live for.
-----------------------------
"... Christ's love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life. He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.

So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now! This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!"

~*2 Corinthians 5:14-17 (NLT)*~

Romans 3:22-24

It's a Beautiful Thing

Life... it is a beautiful thing. It truly is. And that beautiful gift is given only through the love of God our Heavenly Father. It is a love so great He was not willing to punish us or give us what we deserved. A love so great only the perfect sacrifice would do. The perfection of the Son of God was the only payment that would do according to the Almighty himself. Undeserving love from the Creator.

Sometimes it is difficult for me to believe, at times I doubt it. I doubt that God even wants my love... it is filth it seems, compared to His love for me. The thing is, He not only wants my love, He wants all of me!!! He wants unadulterated love, full of devotion and dedication to him, the one who made us... to love. It is a choice to be made: Love God or love the world... no sitting on the fence... no loving both, just one or the other. It is a hard concept to grasp. It is a difficult request to act upon and live out. Unadulterated love. A love that lives life with Christ. It is a beautiful thing.

--------------------------

"We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are. For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard. Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins."

~*Romans 3:22-24 (NLT)*~

John 10:8-10

Warning: Right now I have a very excited heart so pardon me if I am a bit giddy when I write every now and then. I am experiencing "life" first hand and I stand amazed by the one who gives that life. I stand in awe of the one who blesses in ways undeserving, whose plans for me are unthinkable... those plans perfect. I stand before the one who gives life in ways unimaginable. I stand before the King, the Creator, the Giver of Life.

All of us know thievery. All of us have experienced it in one way or another, whether it be fleshly or spiritually. At some point somebody has taken something from each one of us... joy, a possession, love, happiness, etc. You get the point right? God gives. He always has. He always will. We may not always recognize it as a gift, but that is what God gives... gifts every day... gifts to be thankful for. I stand in the midst of a satisfying life. I stand before the Creator of the Universe. Please, come and stand with me.
----------------------------
"All who came before me were thieves and robbers. But the true sheep did not listen to them. Yes, I am the gate. Those who come in through me will be saved. They will come and go freely and will find good pastures. The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life."

~*John 10:8-10 (NLT)*~

John 3:16-21

There really is not much to say other than I am loved by God. He loves me so deeply and passionately the only gift He saw fit to give was a perfect one: the gift of life... on earth and eternally. The only payment made was a pure one. Perfect and pure love is Christ Jesus our Savior. He died to save, not to judge. He died for life, not death. It is a recognizable love, yet so many live as if they are unloved. I have lived as though I was unloved at times. It hurts not only those living that way but also those who love them.

The darkness is more comfortable for those living unloved. It is a blanket that covers fear. Nobody can see the truth in the darkness. The only one who can see truth in darkness is Light. Light knows all. Light reveals all. Living unloved is living in dark, not recognizing that stepping into light would reveal the real person in the darkness but we would still be loved. Stepping into light is stepping into love. There is no need to live unloved in the light. Living loved in the light is how God wants us to live... accepting that gift of love already offered on the cross.
---------------------------------
"For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.

There is no judgment against anyone who believes in him. But anyone who does not believe in him has already been judged for not believing in God's one and only Son. And the judgment is based on this fact: God's light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants."

~*John 3:16-21 (NLT)*~

Jeremiah 29:11-13

Some days I absolutely dread getting out of bed and going to work, even though I should be thankful to have work to go to, to be around people I don't mind being around... should be thankful and enjoy what I have. It is the truth though. Today definitely happened to be one of those days. The thoughts that cross my mind... something like, "What is the point other than to pay the bills?" At times that is the only reason I feel like I wake up and endure the daily grind of my 7:30-4:00 job without being thankful. Why a "desk" in a warehouse? Why not a desk in an actual office somewhere? At times I feel it necessary to ask God why... even though I may not get an immediate response and deep deep down I know why... patience does pay off.

However, Scripture is usually brought to heart. It has been brought to heart several times within a span of the past few days. It happened to be Jeremiah 29:11-13... in a movie, in a conversation, and the very first verse listed in a long list of verses to study. God knows and that should be enough. God is God and that IS enough. He is in control. He knows what He is doing. I can trust that and in Him. I can find hope in that. It is not just a paycheck. I wake to the glory of God every morning. That is the point. That is the purpose of being here... the glory of our Lord.
--------------------------
""For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.""

~*Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NLT)*~

1000 Gifts

I have only recently starting reading the book "One Thousand Gifts" and I'm having fun jotting down 1000 gifts God has given and continues to give!! You should try it :)

1. Cool breeze in the morning
2. Morning dew bathing plants
3. Bird songs waking up the world
4. Aroma of coffee
5. Mobility and health
6. My beautiful nephew Leyton James :)
7. Hugs and kisses
8. Smiles
9. Laughter
10. Cool drinks of water in a parched mouth
11. Access to "world knowledge" via the internet
12. Communication with the other side of the world
13. Skills to read and write
14. Modern Medicine
15. Sweet taste of honey with smooth taste of milk
16. Green of a spring morning
17. Flowers in bloom
18. Painted colors of a sunrise
19. Filling a growling tummy
20. Styles of communication
21. Coffee dates!
22. Birthdays
23. My Savior King
24. The ability to feel pain
25. Mystery in music
26. Life groups and Bible studies
27. A roommate and friend
28. A college education and degree
29. Soft kleenexes
30. Working muscles
31. Celebrations of life and time spent together
32. Friendship
33. My family :)
34. Children in Africa
35. Clean teeth
36. A job to go to five days a week
37. Passion
38. Purpose
39. Hope
40. A sense of humor
41. Rest
42. Phone calls with Mom
43. Clouds on a warm sunny day
44. Time spent alone with God.
45. A calm and quiet morning
46. The smell of clean laundry
47. Entertainment from Squirrels
48. Somebody to cheer for
49. Somebody that cheers me on
50. Cookouts/bonfires with friends
51. Stories about the past
52. Prayers at bedtime
53. "Fireflies like cameras in the stands" ~Amanda Massey
54. Getting ready for church on a Sunday morning.
55. The feeling of shaved legs with clean bedsheets!!
56. The little mishaps in life that build character and cause growth.
57. Midnight thunderstorms.
58. Beautiful Feet (Romans 10:14-15)
59. Sides and cheeks hurting from laughing so hard
60. The smell of clean hair
61. Baby giggles
62. Pictures of my nephew :)
63. Late night conversations & laughs with great friends
64. Sleepovers
65. Rumbling thunder
66. Five working senses
67. Trying new foods
68. Bare feet around the house
69. Dinner with friends
70. Health insurance
71. A running shower
72. Beautiful flowers on the dining table
73. Watching my Bamboo (Bertha) grow!
74. Soaking up the sun
75. Swimming Pools
76. Flip flops
77. Leftovers
78. Movie nights
79. Tan lines
80. Fellowship that wears me out.
81. Waking up to thoughts of God.
82. Falling asleep while thinking about or talking to God.
83. Windows down & music turned up!!
84. A working car.
85. Forgiveness
86. Understanding
87. First sunburn of the summer!!!
88. Freckles :)
89. Weekend getaways!!
90. A "vacation home"
91. Harvest
92. Helping hands.
93. A spiritual mentor and mother
94. Co-workers who make work enjoyable :)
95. Four brothers..... my four bodyguards ;)
96. My six-stringed friend compadre
97. Callouses from playing the guitar
98. The gift of music--being musically gifted
99. A good book
100. Dance parties in the office (while we're working of course!!!)
101. Funny & sometimes awkward comments & inside jokes with my roommate.
102. Protection from the storm.
103. Inability to stop laughing
104. Iced tea and lemonade!!
105. God's creativity in a sunset... every sunset is different!!
106. Rainbows wrapped around rain clouds.
107. Lightening shows.
108. The people who read my blog :)
109. Color
110. Poetry
111. A memory & the gifts included
112. Missionaries
113. Haircuts
114. Faith
115. Truth
116. "Good night Sweet Pea"
117. "Good night Sugar Dumpling"
118. "Good morning Sunshine!"
119. Journals and the stories within
120. A heart seeking God.
121. The perfect cup of coffee :)
122. Vacation Bible School
123. Volunteers
124. Children & Youth
125. Child-like Faith
126. A roommate who "enjoys" cleaning
127. Clean dishes
128. A dishwasher!!!
129. Rocking chairs
130. Cuddly, little babies :)
131. Correction and Counsel
132. Photography
133. Kansas "Beaches"

134. Two Better than one.... 135. Blueberries
136. Aloe plants ;)
137. Awkward moments

138. Chick Flicks with Roommate

139. "I get to "inflict pain" and make you feel awkward!!! I'm so telling Alyssa and Lindsey about this!!!" ~Dana

140. Freedom's Ring

141. Fire in the sky!!

142. The troops that sacrifice to protect freedom.

143. A guide to the world -- Operation World

144. Picture messages.

145. Cameras capturing moments remembered

146. Weddings

147. The meaning/sanctity of marriage.

148. Mondays.... ;)

149. First Birthdays

150. God's healing power

(These are in no particular order of importance. Just how they came to my mind!!! I originally began this posting on 5.28.11 at 10:10 AM. I plan to update it often!!!)

There is a Hope.

This week has been a strange week. Allow me to refer you to my blogs for a more in depth explanation as to why. See 2 Timothy 1:6-8 and 1 John 4:16-19 at http://wonderfullybeautifulyou.blogspot.com for further reference... or just keep reading and you'll figure out what I'm talking about. On December 31, 2008 my life changed a little bit. I was diagnosed diabetic, but that could be controlled by diet and exercise for the time being. From that day until October 15, 2009 I lost almost forty pounds, graduated from Kansas State University, participated in my best friend's wedding, and lived in Africa for a month. On October 15, 2009, almost two months after returning from Ghana, Africa, my life changed a little bit more. I became a little less "normal" when I landed in the ER with extremely high blood sugars. Something that was previously a struggle became more of a struggle the next day. I learned to face a fear of needles when I began Insulin One, resulting in only one shot a day. A few weeks later Insulin Two was added bringing the grand total of shots to four a day.

My hope was fading. "Why" was a big question and for some reason I felt as though it was my fault that I was facing this situation and difficulty in my life. I was struggling more with my faith and my relationship with Christ was on the rocks. Hope faded more when Doctor One told me I would probably never move off of either of the insulins... once I started, I was stuck, I would never be allowed to be "normal" again. I struggled financially with cost of diabetic supplies and prescriptions. For the first time in my life I also had glasses. Hope kept fading with Doctor Two and my fear of doctors and life grew a little more. I did, however, begin to see some good. My faith grew a little. I had to eat healthier and make better choices. I began praying that maybe, just maybe, God would help with this situation that seemed impossible. I prayed for the possibilities brought by the healing power of God. He is God after all and all things truly are possible with Him.

Hope grew and continued to grow as I felt better, became healthier, and sought Him more. In steps Doctor Three. Hope grows more as Doctor Three helps financially in ways I never really expected from any of my doctors. Hope grew when almost two years after Doctor One told me I would probably never get off of either kind of insulin, Doctor Three did it: Insulin Two is no longer being used, at least for the time being which at this point could be two weeks or maybe longer, depending on how God has it planned. Total shots a day sits at one. Only by the power of God. If He wants it, He gets it. If He plans for it to last, glory to Him. If He has other plans and in two weeks I am back on Insulin Two, even though I may not understand the why, I understand He has a plan and a good in it. For now, however, I will enjoy the "normalcy" of no shots before meals. I will enjoy this time He has blessed me with, even if it may be short lived.

God is my hope and what inspires me daily to live, sing, play, and write. He inspires my cheesy poetry... like the poem I will share with you called "There is a Hope". God is my hope and my rock. He cannot be defeated. Whatever He wills is perfect, even though we may see it as imperfect. There is a good in it and He remains our only hope in everything.
--------------------------------

"There is Hope"
~By: Sharina Marie Schaller

There is a hope
Christ Jesus my Lord
His love for me
On a cross outpoured
A victory won
A hope restored
There is hope
In Jesus my Lord

He died on a cross
For me, for you
Died for captive and free
For saint and sinner too
There is hope
In Jesus my Lord

When all seems to fail
The world falls apart
Hold on to Christ Jesus
Keep Him close to your heart
There is hope
In Jesus my Lord

His mercy never ends
His grace never fails
Through trial and pain
Through fire and hail
Love, God sends
My Savior and friend
Hope can be found
In Christ Jesus my Lord

1 John 4:16-19

Looking "What If" in the Eye

Spring boarding off of yesterday's blog, this is a bit of a continuation type of deal. A filler if you did not tune into "Facing Fear" which was yesterday's novel: I talked about my fears in life. I really have a lot of them. There are the silly and serious fears, life and God fears, and definitely ones that were not listed... there are tons not listed because I do not necessarily have the time to think through all my fears, nor do I really want to.

Fear. It is something I have always tried to cover up. It is something I have tried to cover up fear by giving it a different name like "worry" or "concern". I also say things like "It just isn't God's timing" when in reality I am just flat out scared.... and I can't tell God when it is His timing or not. Fear has consumed me and at times kept me from taking advantage of some opportunities. At times it has hindered the way I live my life. It is fear... we all have some fear in our lives.

So how do we face fear? Look the "what if" of a decision in the eye and see that God is much bigger. God loves me and will never leave me (Joshua 1:9 & Isaiah 41:10 are close to my heart). He will never give me more than I can handle and will never put me in a situation I cannot make it through, especially with Christ by my side (1 Corinthians 10:13). God's love is perfect and His power and wisdom are infinite (Romans 8:38-39). He is God after all. To look "what if" in the eye and face fear, there is a trust in perfect love. Perfect love can come from one place alone and that is from our Heavenly Father. He has proved His love on a cross. That love chases the fear away. God is love.
---------------------------------
"We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first."

~*1 John 4:16-19 (NLT)*~

2 Timothy 1:6-8

~Facing Fear~

Some time ago I listed some of my fears in one of my blogs. I am not sure which one but I plan to go back and find it and let you know. If you remember, feel free to help me out and let me know which blog... thanks!!! An overview of some of my fears: silly ones would include dentists and doctors (although I am getting better with the doctor), rushing and being late, driving in a city and breaking down in the country. A list that may be shared by others: failure and rejection, leading and sometimes following, being taken advantage of, being alone but also commitment. I also have a HORRIBLE fear of spiders... they are absolutely disgusting!!! Some of the most pressing fears I have, though, have more to do with God than anything else. What if He leaves me on the side of the road somewhere, or asks me to live in an actual CITY? What if He is the cause of rejection in my life... or at times why I feel so alone? What if God puts me in a country or leads me somewhere that has enormous spiders running around? What if He allows something perceived to be "bad" happen in my life... even though it is for my own good that it happens?

You see, this is a fear because I have an "aching heart" for people in other countries. I have this heart for people who visibly have some "unmet" need like a lack of food, water, clothing, and shelter. What if I can't do ANYTHING to meet those needs? Thing is, I know that I cannot fulfill or meet those needs. Only God can. I have a fear of being diabetic and travelling as one in general is difficult. The fear grows at the thought of going to a foreign country, of running out of insulin or medications, of suffering from some greater health issue or illness that comes with being diabetic. (I DO, however, have an AWESOME story to go with this... keep in mind I originally wrote this blog at 7:00 a.m.... more to come so stay tuned!!!)

What do I do with a heart that wants to be with people in Africa or those suffering in Haiti? There is a noticeable tug on my heart, an ache or yearning to be with them any time an opportunity to go to either place arises. I have felt it recently with the mentioning of a group from my church going to Haiti, or even right before that when the son of a friend went to Kenya... I wanted to go too!!! I hurt my own heart as I have somewhat started to "ignore" that tug as I push it to the back of my mind and heart... similar to what I did two years ago in contemplating going to Ghana, Africa. What do I do with a heart like mine, torn between fear and opportunity? Go with God is easy to say... but facing fear usually is not so easy to do. Good thing God chases away that fear ;)

I also love writing and music, playing guitar and singing, but I have a fear of being in front of people... mostly in relation to fear of failure or rejection. So when more than just one or two somebodies suggested I play and sing at Life Group, I giggled to myself a little bit... and began to worry that they were all being serious, which they were. Pray for my confidence, not just in the ability I was blessed with, but more so my confidence in God. He knit me together. He knows my thoughts and my fears. I know He knows and would never do anything that was not to better me or for my good. I know He is my defender, protector, lover, and Lord. My confidence has been shaky in that at times though. Fear has kept me from taking that first step so many times. It is time to face that fear, to look "what if" in the eye... but what does that look like for me?
-----------------------------------
"This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you when I laid my hands on you. For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. So never be ashamed to tell others about our Lord."

~*2 Timothy 1:6-8 (NLT)*~
-------------------------------------
For the rest of the story...... I originally wrote this blog while sitting in my car at 7:00 a.m. this morning. This afternoon I had a doctor's appointment to check on my blood sugars, how I was doing, and all of that. I was diagnosed with diabetes on December 31st of 2008. I started using insulin on October 16th of 2009, a few months after returning home from Africa. Since then many prayers have been said about my health. Many prayers have been said about the use of insulin and the possibility of limiting that use... partly because I do not like needles, partly because it is so stinking expensive, and partly because there is something called faith that believes God can heal and restore health. Does it always happen? No... God is not a wish granting genie. Then again, we do not know God's plan in our lives... it is best to trust and have faith. Also, one of the main reasons I would fear doing missionary work and that I do fear travelling is because of my diabetes, multiple types of insulin, and medications. ANYWAYS, since January or February of this year (2011) I have been working with my doctor on insulin intake. It gradually began decreasing. I began working out and eating healthier, working with a friend dietitian, and changing my diet to see if there was any possibility of lowering my insulin intake even more. Today's appointment was an awesome result. For two weeks I will be monitoring my blood sugars while taking only one shot of insulin (Lantus) a day. For two weeks (and prayerfully and hopefully longer) I will be down to one shot of insulin a day as opposed to four. My blood sugars have been swell... and as a result Humalog three times daily has, at least for now, worked its way out of my insulin diet.

I do ask this of you: Pray with me!!! This is VERY exciting for me and while I know it may not last and that is up to God... but I am excited for the possibility that it might!!! It also scares me though... keeping close track of my blood sugars is not exactly easy all of the time. Any who, that is my excitement, and somewhat of a new fear. I know God can heal me, but if He sees it fit not to, that is His will for me and I will not be heartbroken. Thank you friends!!!! Sorry for the novel of a blog... I just wanted to share my heart and God's awesomeness with you =)

2 Corinthians 10:3-6

I have a racing mind. The fastest thing about me is the millions of thoughts that race through my head. The past few years God has been training me. He has been staining to slow down. I am still learning but have definitely made leaps and bounds from four years ago. My thoughts no longer control me. Satan no longer controls my thoughts. It seems Satan has always had easy access to thoughts, not just in my life but in the lives of some I know. It is as if thoughts are his most easily accessible weapon against us in spiritual warfare. At one point, thoughts kept me from falling asleep and would wake me up at night. Thoughts would tear me down as low as I could possibly go. Thoughts would break me and leaven me broken. Thoughts led me to seek out the world and led me to make some pretty horrible decisions in my life.

How did all of that change? God!!! Satan no longer controls my thoughts and God has become my foundation. Counseling and continues mentoring have helped me learn the meaning of taking thoughts captive. Safer outlets have been chosen in my life, the safest being Christ. Music, writing, photography, and reading are a few outlets I choose to see Jesus in life and have replaced beating myself up, drinking, and partying. Praying myself to sleep and talking to God as if he were in the room with me have replaced thinking, tossing, and turning. Truth has overtaken perception and God wins yet again!!
-----------------------------------
"We are human, but we don't wage war as humans do. We use God's mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. And after you have become fully obedient, we will punish everyone who remains disobedient."

~*2 Corinthians 10:3-6 (NLT)*~

James 1:22

Do you ever ask something of somebody only to be given an "okay" or a "yes" and then you are seemingly ignored? If you are a parent, I am sure you understand what it feels like to have a child answer you but then ignore whatever was to be acted upon. So I wonder, how is it that God can stand any of us? So many of us, myself included, have read and heard God's words and shook our head approvingly, but then we failed to act upon the head shaking and approval. Every so often I will catch myself in somewhat of a "preacher mode" telling somebody what it might look like to respond to God's words. If it does not happen, for some reason I tend to get a tad bit irritated with that individual. Here is where my problem is: I tell them and expect the "right" action to take place... and then I realize that I am not acting the way I am expecting them to act. I sit and ponder the "really?" of the situation and the irritation is replaced by conviction for my own pride. A verse that has always struck me (other than this one and many many others) is Matthew 7:21 (you should look it up... pretty sweet really). Just because I read Scripture, hear it, say it, cry it, scream it, preach it, that does not mean I am automatically living it. With all of the saying, singing, crying, we must act on it. How can I expect any other to follow and do what Christ teaches when I sometimes talk it but fail to walk it?
-------------------------------------
"But don't just listen to God's word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves."

~*James 1:22 (NLT)*~

Hebrews 13:8-9

I like consistency. I enjoy routine. Every morning I wake up, make my coffee, fix some breakfast, check facebook, scan email, and do a morning devotional before finishing getting ready for work and packing my lunch. I enjoy sitting in my car and writing after I arrive to work early every morning. And then it happens. Then comes the rest of my day... inconsistent as it may be. A different truck to unload every day... if the truck actually shows up. Then there are all of the different projects to work on and the different attitudes from everybody. Evenings can be inconsistent as well, venturing from the work out routine after work to a meeting with a mentor, cleaning for a friend, a potluck with my Life Group, Women's Study, a doctor's appointment, dinner with my roommate, softball... all scattered throughout the week. It is really no wonder why some of us feel unbelievably worn out by the time the weekend rolls around.

This is life, inconsistent as it may be. Each day is different. Work, family, and relationships are inconsistent. Most of the time this would not cause me a great deal of stress, but I will admit that at times it can be slightly overwhelming. The beautiful thing that holds true? Christ Jesus. He is the same. He never changes himself and we cannot certainly change him or his ways. We cannot add to or remove from what he has done or what he will do. We cannot change what the cross has accomplished. It is done, victory won. When the rest of my life is chaotic, my heart and mind take comfort in the one constant in life. That one and only constant is Christ.
----------------------------
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. So do not be attracted by strange, new ideas. Your strength comes from God's grace..."

~*Hebrews 13:8-9 (NLT)*~