Unexpected Gifts...

Sometimes the most unexpected gifts are the most meaningful and precious gifts you can get.  They are often the ones remembered for years.  They are usually the ones that cause the heart and mind to cherish the friendship of those who help create those memories.  It is an amazing feeling to receive an unexpected gift... one that you really feel like you may not deserve.  Gifts that make you cry because you feel so undeserving and are incredibly humbled.

A few days ago a friend and I were talking and for one reason or another it was mentioned that I slept on an air mattress and had been doing so for about 5 1/2 months.  As I was leaving the doctor's office the next day, I received a text message to make a phone call.  On the other end of the line was this same friend.  She was telling me something I never expected to hear.  Hearing me say that I had been sleeping on an air mattress didn't seem to sit well with her.  "It really broke my heart to hear you say that because I've been there before."  A memory that I won't forget... receiving the unexpected.  This friend, in a few short hours, had reached out to many of our coworkers asking for help for a coworker they knew, and soon had enough money and this gift picked out.  No words... yes I was still on the phone but quite unsure what to say.  So humbling.  That feeling of not deserving something yet it is simply given.  A friend saw a need, reached out to those around her who know me and I am blessed to call them all my friends.  "... You work with amazing people that care about each other.  God has a way of getting the important things taken care of ;)"  That message locked to my phone.  I looked like a hot mess as I drove across town from my doctor's office to work... tears streaming down my face.  Today I was blessed with a bed because of some pretty amazing people (a real one... not an air mattress... I've never had a new bed before (that was my own)... my chiropractor would be happy to know I sleep on a bed and not an air mattress.  Then again, he'd have to know that I was sleeping on an air mattress to begin with =P).

This whole situation reminds me of the undeserved blessings we have received from another.  It reminds me of the unexpected gift that God has given... that gift that is there for anybody to take.  A hand extended to anybody willing to reach out and take hold of it.  He gives it.  It is there.  It reminds me of another who didn't  have a bed.  Instead, the place he was laid was a feeding place for animals.  He was God's gift to this world... one that had been talked about (prophesied) but was still somewhat unexpected... a King, the Son of God, born a babe wrapped in strips of cloth and sleeping in a manger.  Christ was alive on earth, born to die for mankind... and rise again to bring us new life.  That death equates to our life.  A gift from God so that we would draw closer to Him... undeservedly so.  The purpose of this child, perfection of God presented in the form of man, was to suffer for you and me... for all of mankind... and rise to bring us new life.

A gift, an unexpected version of a King.  The expected was to be a King, one of great power, a leader, mighty and strong.  This King was one unexpected, a baby born in a stable.  A servant to all.  He came to serve, not to be served.  "For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give His life as a ransom for many."  (Mark 10:45)  He came to love.  A gift form God to anybody willing to receive it.  A gift is free... that is what gifts are... they are given not earned.  Often undeserved.  Mostly unexpected.  Just as God gave us Christ Jesus... our gift of eternal life... bridging the gap between God and man... our bridge from death to life, from sin to eternity.  It started, unexpectedly, with a tiny babe laying in a manger.

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord."
~*Romans 6:23*~

MY BED!!!!!!!!!!!! =D

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A few questions that I feel the need to ask... after writing this it is something that has sat on my heart... if you offer another a gift, would you want them to take it or not?  How would you feel if they'd say "No... I won't take it".  Think of God.  This gift that He offers... the MANY gifts, every blessing, every minute, every second is a gift.  He offers love.  He doesn't promise that it will be easy... but He offers love and guidance.  He offers eternal life.  All in the gift of His love and His Son Christ Jesus.  He is giving to the undeserving... but He WANTS us to take hold, to take the gift and receive His love.  He is waiting patiently, with open arms, for us to receive this unexpected and undeserved gift. 

Meet Me There

I am proud to announce that, after months of little baby bites of Scripture, I have FINALLY finished up a personal study on the book of Matthew... and I don't lie when I say months (I believe I started this at the end of April... just sayin) =)  YAY!!!  GO ME!!!  It just so happens that my church has recently done a six week study of Matthew as well.  Coincidence?  I think not!!  Does coincidence even exist or should it more appropriately be called "Godincidence"?  Anywho, I am pretty stoked as I can and will admit that up until today I have never made it through a single book (yes NONE of the books of the Bible) on my own.

The past few weeks of the study have taken me through Jesus' agony, crucifixion, and resurrection.  What stuck out to me the most was this:  Life, Death, and Life again.  Notice there is more Life than death mentioned.  Jesus went through more than we could ever even IMAGINE going through.  He experienced it and therefore can help us through any temptation, trial, or situation we face.  I know I get frustrated when people "let me down" or I don't get what I want or somebody or something doesn't meet or exceed my expectations.  A friend cancels on me or reschedules.  Somebody "forgets" something important to me.  I feel alone.  Somebody says something rude or condescending or inappropriate.  When it rains it pours.  Life is frustrating.  I am human and realize I am not perfect and I screw up a lot... then realize that Jesus is perfect.  Take a step back for a minute (or more since it'll take longer than a minute to read this).  This is a "short” (HA!!!) recap of a few areas that hit me pretty hard.

Matthew 26:69-75

Peter Denies Jesus.  

Not only did the disciples fall asleep in Christ's time of agony, when he was crying and sweating blood... or the fact that they all ran away... Peter fulfills a prophecy and denies even KNOWING Jesus.  Not just once, but three times he throws out denial.  The first time Peter simply acted confused and tried to divert attention away from him and attempted to change the subject.  The second time he took it a step further, using an oath to deny Jesus.  The third time he SWEARS he didn't know the Man.

Do you ever find yourself in denial of knowing Christ?  What does that even look like in our lives today?  Sometimes it can be pretty subtle.  You don't speak up or bring up the topic of Christ or the Bible, maybe.  I find myself being an avoider in most situations.  I avoid the conversation or topic.  Why is that?  Allow me to let you into my heart and mind a bit.  To me, I feel like God pointed out fear.  Fear of offending somebody with something I say.  But is it not offensive to God when I don't do what He calls me to do?  Shouldn't I be trusting Him in the words and actions?  Fear of what somebody may think of me.  What does that matter?  Shouldn't God's opinion of me matter more than another person's?  Fear of not knowing the answers.  I think I mentioned before how I was human, which means I don't know everything.  Shocking, I know.  But there is a fear for me in saying the phrase "I don't know".  Why is that?  Maybe the fear of criticism or verbal persecution?  Is "I don't know" a good enough answer in some cases?  It is definitely humbling.

A topic for discussion one of the few times I went to Alpha this past fall ended up on the topic of "persecution".  What do I take for granted in life when I say that I am a "Christian"?  I feel like I have it so easy here in life.  I can say "I am a Christian" but do I walk it out?  Or do I title myself "Christian" as some type of feel good thing?  Think of this:  In America, you can say you are a Christian.  You may be verbally insulted or criticized, what some may call persecution.  I am not trying to downplay this but bare with me here.  There is spiritual warfare that does take place through verbal abuse.  Satan uses whatever he can to tear us down.  What is convicting to me is that I am afraid to speak up and walk out what it means to be a Christian.

Culture change:  Brother Yun is a believer in a country where being a follower of Christ gets you more than just verbal persecution.  It is a country where there are certain implications in saying you are a Christian.  He should be dead from beatings and starvation and what is truly defined as persecution.  Where he is from, saying you are a Christian can get you killed.  Yet, through Christ's strength, he is not afraid to say he loves Jesus.  (His journey is documented in the book "The Heavenly Man".  It is an amazing story of what it looks like to follow Christ and I would HIGHLY recommend it to anybody.)  In some countries, it is not verbal abuse that is a concern.  In other lands, calling yourself a Christian is basically giving yourself a death sentence.  And yet, here I am scared of what somebody may think of me if I say "I love Jesus.  I am a Christian."

Just today I read the final portion of Matthew 28 and there was more that stuck out to me other than the Great Commission (which is awesome... but yes, there is more).

Matthew 28:8-20

Jesus Appears to His Disciples.

To me, what was so cool was where Jesus appeared to His disciples.  Allow me to explain (you have to :)). In Matthew 28:10, Jesus has just risen and He tells the women to run and tell His "brothers" to meet Him in Galilee.  However, fast forward through the Gospels to John 20:19 and Jesus actually meets with the disciples in Jerusalem and then LATER in Galilee.  Why is that?  "... the disciples were meeting behind locked doors because they were afraid of the Jewish leaders." (John 20:19).  Jesus said "Galilee!!”  His brothers said "I'm too scared to leave".  So what does Jesus do?  He met them where they were.  He didn't scold them, or put on a great guilt trip even though he had more ammo than anybody would ever need.  He didn't wait for them... He knew they were scared... He met them wherever they were even if where they were wasn't necessarily where He had told them to be.  The disciples were scared.  He met them there.  How cool is that?  What is even better is that Jesus will do the same for us.  No matter where we are, Jesus will meet us there.

He calls the disciples "my brothers".  They were in hiding for fear of what man could do to them.  They ditched Jesus in His greatest time of pain, suffering, and agony.  They denied even knowing Him.  And yet, here is Jesus.  He went to them, met them where they were, and still loved them enough to call them brothers.  These were the men who LITERALLY walked with Jesus EVERY DAY!!!!  They saw Him work miracles, witnessed His works, heard His teachings, and were personally mentored by God Himself.  And yet they ran away, denied Him, and hid for fear of man.  They didn't "remember" what Jesus had said about rising again and they had spent every day with the Man for crying out loud.  And they didn't go to Galilee... they stayed locked in a room.  Yet, after showing his love by dying on the cross, shouldering all the sin in the world, and feeling an agony we will NEVER feel, Jesus still takes a step... He met them where they were.  His love kept no record of what the disciples had done or what they did NOT do.  He is Love.  Love keeps no record of our wrongs.  Jesus went to the disciples when they were scared and in hiding.  They ran away and denied knowing Him (I've mentioned that before).  Jesus still forgave them, went to them, and met with them behind closed doors.  He forgave them.  He loved them.  He met with them in whatever place in life they were in.

What is so cool is that Jesus does the same for us.  He can say "meet me there".  Even when we don't go, He still meets with us.  He meets with us through the cross.  He wants us to meet him there... if we don't go, He brings the cross to us.  Jesus forgets our "imperfections" and wrongs.  He forgives us.  He loves us.  He meets us wherever we are in life regardless of whether that is resting in His arms, running to His cross, or hiding behind locked doors of fear and insecurity.  Even though this sounds cliché I'm going to say it:  Jesus holds the keys to the locks that bind the chains around our heart.  And He loves us so much that, not only did He spread His arms and die on the cross, no matter what we have done or where we are in life, Jesus still loves us, forgives us, and will meet us there.

Conviction in Action

Conviction in Action à Your actions in life back up what you say you believe.  I have thought about this a lot lately.  Saying it is one thing; a step in the right direction.  Doing it is another thing; a leap of faith.  I saw a picture on facebook recently about if we take a leap of faith, God will either catch us or He will teach us how to fly.  You won’t know if you don’t leap.  Either way, if we are leaping and jumping and running after Him, He will not let us fall.

Conviction in Action à It can be so darn difficult to do.  Fear often stands in the way.  The “what ifs” can blind us and back up fear.  They can often stifle and kill faith in action.  If we say it, should not our actions back it up?  That is the question that keeps on bugging me and just won’t leave me alone.  Recently, some “what ifs” in life served as my alarm clock in the wee hours of the morning… not a pleasant way to wake up but God uses things in ways we could never imagine.

Convictions à Who is God in my life?  What are the roles of each of the Three Persons in One?  How does that affect who I am and could I define each of those roles separately and together if somebody asked me to do so?  I think I could find and say what the Bible tells me, but do I believe it?  A question we recently asked to our High Schoolers at Youth Group:  If you take away all the “stuff”, who are you?  If you take away, Life Group, Church, all of the “Christian Activities” you participate in, what is your relationship with Christ?  What does that look like?  Do my actions follow through on my beliefs?  Do I live that out?  People are watching… closer than we often realize.  If people watch me, could they figure out what I believe and who I live for?

Convictions then action à  Follow through.  It is so hard to do.  We can say it… voice it… be heard… even argue it.  Do we follow through?  Or are we more concerned with what others will think?  What is more important:  what others think or what God thinks? (Galatians 1:10)  Are we more concerned about hurting somebody?  Will it not hurt them more further down the road?  Trust would be broken… a bond of trust that grows over time.  Healing could be more painful… the more you “lead somebody on” the more painful the experience once honesty makes its presence known.  Forgiveness could be more difficult.

Convictions à Where do they come from?  All Scripture is God breathed (2 Timothy 3:16-17).  The Spirit will convict us and when He does, we will know.  Do we act on those convictions?  The beauty is that God does not force us to move but He gives us the choice to do so… to step out in faith in Him.  He has given the gift of freedom… the freedom to choose… the freedom to follow… the freedom to act on convictions.  He leads… will we follow?

He will catch us if we fall… will we trust Him to do so?  There is a feeling that often comes with conviction.  I don’t really know how to explain it but it is there and you know it when it is.  It is kind of like “you know what you are supposed to do but you don’t really want to do it because it is too hard.”  It might be harder, but God is easy.  Nothing is too hard for God.  He is bigger.  He is stronger.  He will catch us when we leap… or He will teach us how to fly.

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"Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant." 

~ Galatians 1:10 ~

"All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.  God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work."

~ 2 Timothy 3:16-17 ~

I Am...

I Am... Love, Grace, Worth, Patience, Humility, Lord, Healing, Light, Truth, Mercy, Life, Rest, Perfection, Power, Eternal.  I Am a mystery...  The Alpha and Omega... The Beginning and the End.  I Am... hugs, kisses, tears, smiles, laughter, joy, richness, struggles, victory... The Almighty... in everything... all around you.  I Am... the only one, the only thing that can fill a void in your life and in your heart... the love that so many long for... the comfort that wraps its arms around you... the peace that fills your heart in times of chaos and calms your mind when life gets overwhelming.  I Am Fulfilling and Satisfying, Blessing, Everlasting.  I Am strength in times of weakness.  I Am... your Father, Friend, Husband, Lover, Teacher, Keeper, Companion, Provider, Rescuer, Healer, King, Deliverer, Protector, Living Water, Shield, Armor... the One... the One you can run to, cry to, hide within, count on, lean on, find strength within... the One you can trust to hear you and answer you always.  I Am your ONE TRUE LOVE.  I Am Promise, Peace, Relationship, Forgiveness, Desire, Righteous, Gentle, Worship, Complete, Freedom, History, Sacrifice, and Love.  I Am the Creator. I Am Living and Active, Kind and Faithful.  I Am so much more than you could EVER IMAGINE or even begin to wrap your mind around.  I Am... The Way.  I Am the impossible made possible.  I Am PERFECT, unfathomable, indescribable, infinite... I Am YOUR God... and I LOVE YOU!!!

Down and Dirty...

The other day at work, as well as several other days recently, I have been told that I've been dressing pretty "girly" lately (hard to believe, I know).  Most of you who know me understand why this statement may have been made.  You see, I REALLY love my sweatpants, gym shorts, and looser tees... and would EASILY take wearing them over jeans and a fitted tee, or skirts and a blouse (shocking, I know).  It is not a bad thing this comment was made.  It was kind of nice that somebody had noticed.  I responded with a comment that I probably would not be wearing a skirt in the near future... or more like next Spring.  When this particular person asked why that was, I reminded him of the strawberry/scar I have on my left shin.

A few months ago I slid playing softball (yes in shorts... no more sliding in shorts).  It was simply done out of instinct on a close play, something I did not necessarily think about when I did it.  However, I was safe at third and we ended up coming back and winning that game.  I told the person that the scar was not very "girly".  His response to that was, "It isn't a scar... that right there is a badge so you better wear it like one."  A badge?  Proof that I am willing to get down and dirty and sacrifice my body for something that I enjoy, even love, doing... without even thinking about it?

This conversation got me thinking today (imagine that).  How much am I willing to get down and dirty for my faith?  How much am I willing to sacrifice for Christ?  Some see living for Him as a risk... in my eyes, something done for Christ should not be seen as a RISK as it is being done for Christ.  However, sometimes I act as though I'm risking it all, holding on to materialism and "things".  He has yet to fail me and is always with me... every step of the way.  Am I willing to sacrifice anything and everything for the God who gave His only Son as a ransom for my filth?  Give it my all for His purpose?  His will?  For a victory ALREADY WON?

"Love the Lord your God above all else..." ~Matthew 22:37~~Mark 12:30~

"And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.  But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first." ~Matthew 19:29-30~

My faith and my Savior, my relationship with the Father, should be something I am SO IN LOVE with, a relationship that I am so lost in, that I should follow wherever He leads and do anything for Him out of instinct... without questioning... without thinking about what I am doing in His name.  Prayer Required.  Counsel Sought and Received.  God's will to be done.  However, I often find myself questioning and doubting and hesitating.  When I do that, most of the time, usually always, I am focusing on me, my own inadequacies, faults, filth, and lackings.

"But this isn't about you..."
"Why do you think it is about you..."
"Stop focusing on you and focus on Who this is really, truly about..."

I am blessed by those who give these gentle reminders.  I am blessed by the guidance given and by those who challenge me.  The truth follows...

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."  ~Philippians 4:13~

"... For apart from Me you can do nothing." ~John 15:5~

He is with me always... He will never leave me!! ~Isaiah 41:10~~Joshua 1:9~~Deuteronomy 31:6~

"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, "Do not fear; I will help you."" ~Isaiah 41:13~

"The Lord is my Light and my Salvation -- whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life -- of whom shall I be afraid?" ~Psalm 27:1~

"If God is for us, who can ever be against us?" ~Romans 8:31~

"But take heart; I have overcome the world." ~John 16:33~

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." ~2 Corinthians 12:9~

There may be scars and hurts and persecution along the way... those trials should be expected, not a surprise. ~1 Peter 4:12-13~

"For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever." ~2 Corinthians 4:17~

Why is it so hard to go all out for God?  Those scars, should we not wear them as a badge, not to honor ourselves, but to glorify Him?  Something to ponder...  Am I willing to get down and dirty and sacrifice what I have for what I love more than anything else that ever existed?  Am I willing to give it all and go all out for Christ?

My Closest Friend...

Life is crazy sometimes... how God lays out our life before us and knows every step, decision, word, thought, and more.  When I choose to sit back and faithfully watch it roll out before me, it amazes me.  I only wish I would watch what He is DOING more often than I do instead of having to look back to see what He has DONE... looking back instead of forward.  Either way, to see His creativity at work and worked out usually leaves me in awe.  Such is the case here.  Originally I wrote the blog below about a week and a half ago before leaving on vacation with my family.  The daily dose of "Jesus Calling" struck my heart and stayed close to me.  I quickly wrote down one sentence from the devotional and followed it up with some thoughts I was processing.  A few days later, sitting on the deck looking out over part of His marvelous creation I marveled at His beauty (still on vacation so this creation is the Lake of the Ozarks).  "Jesus Calling":  this day a precious gift... prepared a way... eagerly await... rejoice when you glance My way... sing praise songs to Me.

"Let us come to Him with thanksgiving.

Let us sing psalms of praise to Him."

~*Psalm 95:3*~

Today I sit reading and my heart reflects on so much that has happened over the course of a few short weeks.  God has demonstrated His love and protection in so many ways.  He has shown me how He has prepared a way.  Have I given that gift of thanksgiving and worship back to Him?  This devotional, "Jesus Calling" was a gift... and has hit so many rough spots in my life.  I see it... read it... think about... do I do it?  Today's challenge:  "Practice praising and thanking Me continually throughout this day".

Psalm 100

A Psalm of Thanksgiving

"Shout with joy to the Lord, all the earth!

Worship the Lord with gladness.

Come before Him, singing with joy.

Acknowledge that the Lord is God!

He made us, and we are His.

We are His people, the sheep of His pasture.

Enter His gates with thanksgiving;

go into His courts with praise.

Give thanks to Him and praise His name.

For the Lord is good.

His unfailing love continues forever,

and His faithfulness continues to each generation."

The purpose of me writing this was to share with you the thoughts I wrote down on the morning of June 23rd before my family left on vacation... and to tie it to all of the above and to what is shown further down and to share some of the gifts I have been given =).
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6.23.12

Every Step of the Way

"LET MY LOVE STREAM THROUGH YOU, WASHING AWAY FEAR AND DISTRUST."

God's spirit can be grieved.  I try to imagine Him as a friend walking with me, side by side, every step of the way.  I hate seeing others in pain and anguish, hurting.  I hate seeing the hurt in their eyes and the pain in their voice... especially if I am the cause of it.
Is it something I have done that has caused the pain and hurt?  Is it an action by you, distrust, a lack of faith, a destructive step, something I could have prevented, causing this pain.  It is not just harm done to this friend that could be hurting them but maybe it is harm done to me... harm done to me caused by me... this friend does not like to see me hurting.
He hurts when I hurt, cries when I cry, laughs when I laugh, and shares in every moment of my life... has it planned out for me.  It is True Love.
Give your heart and life to Him.  Watch your steps and your words.  Be mindful of your actions and your thoughts.  Let the pain, anger, frustrations, sorrow, insecurity, shame, laughter, joy, thanksgiving, worship, and love fade into His glory.
Recognize His Presence.  Trust in His Promises.  Live in His Love.  Have faith that He has already won.  Listen to His Word.  Bask in the glory of the One who saves.  Allow His soothing whispers to comfort.  Let His mighty arms wrap around you.  Let His gentleness blanket you.  Let His strength shield you.  Let Light guide you... every step of the way.  He is there.  He is with you... loving, soothing, caressing, protecting, surrounding, comforting, holding, providing.  He is always there... every step of the way.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8e8BPXh2L1k&feature=youtu.be

Happy 4th of July everybody!! =)

Protection & Rescue

It has been a while and life has been crazy... somewhat overwhelming.  Recently a sister gave me a devotional called "Jesus Calling"... absolutely amazing devo if you are looking for one.  This morning it hit the mark, not just with the devotional itself but also one of the verses included in the devo.  The verse comes from Psalm 18.  I will be honest in saying that I have forgotten how much I LOVE this Psalm.  I look at it and wish I would have come back to it more often than what I have. The reassurance given from... from being overwhelmed and overpowered by life to conquering all because of the strength that only God can give.

I remember when I first started meeting with a mentor of mine.  I was worried whether God would really protect and rescue me when life was overpowering.  She read me Psalm 18.  All I can remember is sitting there in tears as I listened to how "angry" God can be when evil attacks full force... and how jealous God is for us... that He would step down off of His throne to trample the evil that is persecuting one He loves and to rescue us.  

"He opened the heavens and came down..." Psalm 18:9.

How often does the Bible say God stepped down from His throne... step down to do ANYTHING, let alone rescue a sinner like myself? (If you have the answer to this, feel free to let me know what it is!!!)  I'm talking God the Father leaving His throne because He loves me so much... He is the protection and rescuer.  He rescues and then He strengthens.  He destroys evil surround me and then builds up and helps fight the ongoing battles.  God's protection is limitless for those who love Him.

Throughout this passage, David characterizes God as:
1.) A Rock: cannot be moved by harm.
2.) A Fortress: safety where the enemy cannot follow.
3.) A shield: separation between us and the enemy.
4.) A Power that Saves:  symbol of mightiness that saves.
5.) A Place of Safety: high above and out of the reach of the enemy.

God is not a crutch for the weak... His power shines through our weakness.  He is our protector.  When trouble overwhelms us, God is steadiness.  At times I know I feel as though I am drowning in "troubles"... or worries.  But I know God is the one who can pick me up, rescue me, steady me, and provide the peace and strength needed to keep on keeping on.  Trouble in this world will never end... even the trouble that seems minuscule for some compared to what it could or will be.  God strengthens to keep going and fighting.

God does not eliminate, trials, troubles, and challenges; He gives us the strength to make it THROUGH when we turn to Him.  Deliverance THROUGH, not FROM, trials.  If trials, mountains, valleys, troubles, rough roads, or obstacles did not exist, how would we grow?  God and all of His glory is the key to survival.  We do not go at it alone... He is always there, every step of the way!! :)
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"For I hold you by your right hand—
    I, the Lord your God.
And I say to you,
    ‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you."

~*Isaiah 41:13*~

"This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For theLord your God is with you wherever you go."

~*Joshua 1:9*~

Ambassadors

"So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!”"

~*2 Corinthians 5:20*~

Ambassador:  An authorized messenger or representative.

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Who am I representing?  I have come to this realization recently of the fact that I represent something much bigger and much more important than anything my mind could ever wrap itself around.  It was not until recently how hard this reality hit me.  Who do I represent?  In the work place?  In life?  Through my words and actions?  I say "I am a Christian" but what image am I giving as a Christian?  A few simple phrases and I now see what that may look like (good or bad) to the people around me.  Have you ever noticed that some non-Christians are quicker to call you out on some behaviors than Christians are?  I often wonder why that is.  Why give them a reason to call one out on anything?  I know we are "only human".  I know I am not "perfect" (I know... shocking isn't it?) but I can live for Christ and work for Him as an ambassador, a representative, for the Cross and what happened there.

At work I have recently discussed "perception" with my supervisor.  It is amazing how some people can see a situation only how they want to see it instead of how it truly may be... I am guilty of it.  The discussion was about being careful how you say something and what you are doing.  This "perception" speech can apply to any area of life.  A coworker saw a coffee mug sitting on the table in our office.  When she asked who it belonged to she quickly answered her own question by saying she saw the word "Christian" on the much so she should have known it was mine.  What perception might she have of Christianity because of me and how do my words and actions influence her view?  Every now and then a guy at work will jump in to the middle of a conversation and most of the time, without missing a beat (and hopefully jokingly), will say "That's not very Christian of you Sharina."  It happens... I slip up but whether he heard the whole conversation or not, and even if he took something out of context, how careful am I with my words?

Who am I representing?  Satan can cause me to slip up with temptation... but there is always a way out of temptation (1 Corinthians 10:12-13).  Ultimately, it is my choice to sin.  The little voice in my head says "Don't do it" or "Don't say it because you know it isn't right"... but I choose whether or not to follow up.  The temptation may be there and that may not be my fault, but what do I do with that temptation?  Do I take those thoughts captive and force them to obey Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5-6)?  Or do I allow the temptation of something grow into sin (James 1:14-15)?  I may not have caused the temptation itself but am I choosing to dwell or act on that temptation?  Most of the time if that is the case, my words reflect that sin... when I dwell I begin vomiting words and thoughts that do not represent in any way what I should be living for.

We are called to be ambassadors of Christ.  We are chosen to be a representation of the King... how CRAZY of a thought is that?  We are chosen to represent the reason for life... chosen to do great things for the Creator who put us here to do those things He planned for us long before we were even born (Psalm 139:16; Jeremiah 29:11; & Romans 8:28).  Are my words and actions a good representation of who I am living for?  In my work, am I working wholeheartedly as though I am doing this work for God (Colossians 3:23 & 1 Corinthians 15:58)?  Good questions to ask myself from now on before I act or speak.  Chosen as an ambassador for Christ.  What a wonderful thought to have written on the hearts belonging to Him.

Another Beautiful Day...

I sit here, another beautiful Saturday morning... reflecting.  SOOOO blessed by the peace and time to spend with on most Saturday mornings.  Reflecting... purpose and service have been on the scrolling marquee of my brain lately.  It is obvious to some the definitions of the words purpose and service.  To some, though, it is not as obvious when trying to find the perfect "fit" for one's purpose and service.  I am surrounded by it.  I realize that I can honestly say that it is a struggle for me.  I realize my struggle often comes from my own stubbornness... me trying to figure it out instead of waiting patiently with open ears for God.  Somebody recently called me out on my stubbornness which usually brings a few things to light in my life... they are usually right to call me out and I appreciate it.  But even with the stubbornness, somewhere part of that something has broken off.  I can't really explain it, obviously if I am calling it "that something" but it is awesome to reflect over the recent happenings of my life.

I am completely blessed by the service of others... we all are at some point if we sit and think about it.  I sit here watching two gentlemen mow our lawn... serving for a church ministry maybe they are familiar with or know exists... but maybe not.  I didn't ask needless to say.  I wonder if they realize the service they are providing.  I look at the happenings within the ministry God will use this house for.  I have seen the change and the growth and the service being provided to this ministry.  I see service in all directions... all around me.  I just finished reading through Isaiah 61.  I am getting this beautiful, real life picture of what it might mean to have an "ancient city" rebuilt in modern day.  I have a live picture of what it looks like to have "foreigners" serving, tending, and caring.  It is absolutely beautiful.  Within Isaiah 61 God reveals promises and feelings for us that I have never taken the time to think about in depth.  A crown of beauty for ashes... oaks of righteousness.  Both decently familiar as God did something completely stellar and blew my mind with verses one through three of this passage.  *(I'll tell you the story at the end)*

The rest of that passage... the other promises are promises I have not paid much attention to because I've often gotten stuck on the first three verses.

-Priests of the LORD --> Ministers of God
-Feed on "treasures" --> Boast in HIS riches
-Share in honor --> Honor and love replaces shame and dishonor
-A double portion of prosperity --> Everlasting joy in HIM
-Suffering for His sake --> A faithful reward and everlasting covenant

Then there is a portion of this scripture that strikes some heart chords in me:  verses 10 and 11.

"¹⁰ I am overwhelmed with joy in the Lord my God!
    For he has dressed me with the clothing of salvation
    and draped me in a robe of righteousness.
I am like a bridegroom in his wedding suit
    or a bride with her jewels.
¹¹ The Sovereign Lord will show his justice to the nations of the world.
    Everyone will praise him!
His righteousness will be like a garden in early spring,
    with plants springing up everywhere."

It is more than amazing to think of feeling the way this passage describes feeling:  OVERWHELMED by the Lord... feeling like a wedding day (yes I've dreamt of what that may feel like some day).  And honestly God promises SO MUCH MORE... and that just BLOWS MY MIND!!!!  It is a beautiful sight to look around at those who serve.  I sat at an "Appreciation Dessert" gathering last night (Friday) at my church.  It was beautiful to see those involved in service in our church and to think that I am a part of that.  A little bit of God revealing purpose and service... I wonder when/if I have/will stop trying to figure it out.  I have my times of struggle, wondering what God has for me or what He wants me to do with my life... the question of "purpose" shows its ugly face every now and then.  It is in the times that I'm not necessarily "thinking" and that stubbornness breaks down a little bit that I can see "purpose and service" happening.  It takes help breaking down my stubbornness and I am grateful for those who help me.  I can see that part of "something" breaking away.

I still cannot define that something... and I don't think I am talking about my stubbornness but maybe I am and I don't realize it.  I learn about it in me by watching the service in those around me and in listening to and learning from them.  The stubbornness usually needs a kick in the rear by somebody before I will do some service... like singing for the worship team at my church.  I am blessed by those willing to call me out and challenge me to get up and share a gift God has given.  Who knew I would love it?  Then again, why would God have me serve in a way I didn't love?  I love to write... I pray it "serves" somebody for a greater purpose than just something to read.  What I have been stubborn in and not faithful with is the small things:  The little "notes" sent in an email or text to somebody struggling; a not written and handed over with a book and encouragement.  I see I need to be faithful in the small things (Luke 16:10-12).  God is showing me... He is teaching me... and I can see beauty in learning and listening.
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*"Oaks of Righteousness" Awesomeness*
Here are the series of God showing me something:

-Saturday March 24, 2012: Text a few people asking for the reference to the Oaks of Righteousness passage.  I write about it that morning in my blog... Crowns of Beauty.

-Sunday March 25, 2012:  First time to help sing and lead worship at church.  Micah has me read Isaiah 61:1-3 to the congregation... Oaks of Righteousness passage.

-Monday March 26, 2012:  Breakfast with God Devotional = Taproots... how if you cut the taproot of a plant/tree it'll live but may not grow.  Challenges to be planted in the Word, firmly rooted in God, and relying on Him for nourishment.  Then I start reading Chapter 11 of "A Confident Heart".  The verse that starts the chapter --> Isaiah 61:3 --> Planted for His splendor --> Oaks of Righteousness.

-A week later on Monday, April 2, 2012 --> Encouraging Word from K-Love that is sent to my inbox: "Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance."  ~*Isaiah 61:7*~

-Thursday April 5, 2012 --> Quiet Moments with God devotional starts off with Isaiah 61:3.  Realization hits that I should stop trying to "figure it out" and let God just SHOW me why He keeps taking me back to this passage.

-Monday April 9, 2012 --> "Who Holds the Key to Your Heart?" Chapter 2 starts with Isaiah 61:1-3 as the lead in to the chapter.

Little Signs of Life

I am surrounded and blessed beyond belief.  Here I sit on the patio, another Saturday morning, shirt, capris and flip flops, eating "breakfast" at 11:15 in the morning.  I am enjoying the slightest breeze and the green that surrounds me... marveling at how creative and awesome God is.  I look to my right and see green with little specs of yellow from the dandelions.  It is also so easy to take notice of the beautiful bright red tulips that help my attention and focus for some time last night and this morning. 

No picture could do justice to just how wonderful God has made the real thing.  I look straight ahead and see so many different shades of green and purple crawling up the side of the hill that borders the yard.  Yesterday a colleague and I took notice to how wonderful and beautiful red buds are.  I can't help but notice, not just the red buds adding to the color, but the bright greens and whites sprouting up on the branches of trees all around me.  So amazing to me that all of this can exist in one small setting.  God is the only way this can exist and I am blessed to enjoy His creative gift.  And to think that this is just the TINIEST taste of everything that exists in creation.  It makes me curious to see what else He has made far beyond what my young eyes have seen.  I have to smile at the thought of it all... and enjoy watching little signs of life all around me from the greens and the purples, the birds singing and the squirrels that distract and entertain me.

And my mind wonders to how all of this, all of this grand beauty around me, how does it all pertain to me?  How awesome is it that God gives this gift and we share in it?  How often do I take it all for granted and pay no attention to His beauty surrounding me?  How often do I do this, not just with the natural beauty of this earth, but with the beauty of the people around me as well?  At one point this week I had read a line in one of my devotionals:  "You are precious to God."  How many people around me know this?  Have I ever told any body how precious they truly were, encouraging them to believe it?  Most of us have access to the truths of being precious to God... but what about those who do not have that access or who do but don't explore it?  Do they know that God sees them as precious?  Maybe we have tried to tell them and they just haven't listened; what then?  Here is a question I have been challenged by:  what would it look like to SHOW them?  Walk out what Jesus walked out... when people didn't LISTEN to Him, God SHOWED them how much He loved them and how precious they truly were.  Jesus hung on a cross, endured that pain as a human even though He was God, and He did it for each and every person.

An example of walking it out is given.  An example of how important it is to walk something out is given.  Recently I wrote "Valued Behaviors".  Also, I've heard a phrase "Do as I say, not as I do".  But should it not be "Do as I say AND as I do"?  What would it look like to do what Jesus says AND what He has done?  Lately I have been working on "memorizing" the GTM values and the behaviors that define them.  A colleague recently thought out loud, asking why it was so important to have them memorized... somewhat seemingly frustrated with having "homework".  I was thinking along the same lines at first, asking the same question.  Let's face it, we all could use a little work everywhere in our lives.  I ask why, then turn around and get frustrated when others aren't doing something listed under our company values.  Do as I say and as I do?  Not so much for me there.  Why should I expect others to live it out when I had been choosing not to?  Isn't that called being a hypocrite?  But God has blessed me with a boss who, even if she may not have all the behaviors memorized (I have faith she does but let's just say she doesn't), she is a boss who is willing to walk out what she wants her employees to walk out.  And we are willing to follow (most of us) simply because she is willing to do what she asks us to do.

God has blessed all of us with an example in Christ Jesus, who did what most of us are not willing to do.  Do as I say and as I do.  He wants his followers to follow... and they will because He was willing to do what He has asked us to do.  He loved with word and action.  He wants us to live with word and action.  God sees ALL of us as precious regardless of where we are in life.  He wants us to see others as precious as well.  He tells us just how precious we are to Him and He has shown it to us as well.  It is written all over Scripture:

"... you are precious to me. You are honored and I love you." ~*Isaiah 43:4*~

"For we are God's masterpiece..." ~*Ephesians 2:10*~

"For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." ~*John 3:16*~

God has crowned us with crowns of beauty and glory for His purpose:

"...he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.  In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory." ~*Isaiah 61:3*~

"God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation.  Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." ~*James 1:12*~

We are all precious to God.  I am still sitting here in awe of the creation that surrounds me.  I see God's beauty lad out in front of me.  My ears hear the songs of Him who made this all.  My heart smiles.  My mind can't help but wonder how precious I am to God... that if He made all of this awesomeness and beauty and He loves it and takes care of it, how much more does He love me and how precious does He consider me?  The beauty of the flowers that sparkle red in the sunshine with morning dew and the beautiful greens and purples of the buds and leaves on the trees... the blanket of green grass with small patches of yellow... all precious and beautiful to our Creator.  And He loves me more than that and created me to be more beautiful than the beauty that surrounds me?  My heart and being is in awe and speechless.

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²⁵ “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? ²⁷ Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?
²⁸ And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, ²⁹ yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. ³⁰ And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?
³¹ So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ ³² These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. ³³ Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
³⁴ So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today."

~*Matthew 6:25-34*~

Valued Actions

You can memorize it and “know it”.

Don’t forget to live it and show it.

Walk it out so that others see it and share it and do it too.

           

There is something there that I sometimes fail to grab on to.  How often do I simply cling to the knowledge of something as opposed to hanging on to that knowledge AND IT’S MEANING?  Knowing a word does not mean I know or understand its definition.  Maybe I know the definition and maybe I can say “I know this word and what it means.”  My next question then becomes, do I know what it looks like to put that meaning in action?  Do I understand or visualize what it would look like to walk it out?

Recently at my job the company Vision, Mission, and Values of the company have been given a face lift.  They changed; do I know them?  A challenge followed to memorize them… memorize ALL of them, the vision, mission, and all nine values.  AWESOME!!!  BUT what do I do with that once that step has been taken?  Take it a step further and look in to the behaviors that define those values (behaviors that are given and do not have to be sought out).  So the next step?  Knowing what those values mean by learning the behaviors… not just committing them to memory but “committing them to heart” as my boss likes to say.

Recently I had a day at work that I was alone and working on a pretty repetitive project by myself.  So what do I do?  I get to work on memorizing those behaviors!!  It raised questions for me:  Why is it so important for me to know these so well?  What is the significance of committing these, not only to memory, but more importantly to heart?  What would it look like to walk these out?  These behaviors, they can be a stretch for some… especially if my pride gets in the way.  They are difficult to walk out but they are there for the purpose of growth.  They are there for the growth of a body not just one part of it, making the body stronger as a whole.  Not just growth for one employee, but growth for a company whose motto right now is “3XN4” (3 times growth in 4 years).

It is awesome for me when this thought process carries over into my life outside of work.  It is beautiful how God can take something from work and turn it in to spiritual growth.  The passage Matthew 7:21 through 29 comes to my mind.  It starts in verse 21 “Not everyone who calls out to me ‘Lord!  Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven.  Only those who actually do the will of my Father in Heaven will enter.”  I can talk it up but will I walk it out?  For example:  I could go to church and memorize scripture but what does that mean for me?  I could have those values of “doing what’s right”, being in community, and memorizing what Scripture says, but how is that impacting how I act?  Am I walking that out and committing it to heart or is it all just head knowledge? 

After the “religious looking” try to justify why they should be allowed into Heaven, Jesus follows by saying in verse 23, “But I will reply, ‘I never knew you.  Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’”  We can SOUND spiritual, but is there a relationship with Jesus present?  Actions and looks can only get you so far.  I imagine God waiting at the gates of Heaven asking why He should let me in.  I can say “I memorized Scripture” and blurt out some verses.  Do you think He is going to pat me on the back and let me in just because I memorize Scripture?  I imagine Him asking if I had shown that I knew what Scripture MEANS and if I actually walked it out as opposed to just “knowing it”.

God’s values and behaviors are prominently scattered and blotched through Scripture.  A picture that comes to my mind is one similar to a painting that a friend of mine had painted.  You take a clean sheet of canvas and some colors.  You start with one color and splatter it on the canvas.  You know that color separate from the others… what happens next?  You add one more color and splatter it to the canvas… and another and another until you have this VISUALLY perfect masterpiece.  You saw it as an idea in your head and others may not have known the beauty you knew but as the painting comes around, others see it too!!  It is complete and perfect, not just to the artist, but to the spectators as well. 

So when we commit to Christ and take a bit of God’s will and splatter it throughout our lives and take more and splatter it, WE begin to see the masterpiece God has created.  He knew we were His masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10) but it took that added color in our lives for us to see it.  We don’t just KNOW what God’s will and word says, we splatter it throughout our lives so that others see it too.

You can memorize it and “know it”.

Don’t forget to live it and show it.

Walk it out so that others see it and share it and do it too.

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This is where I am blessed to spend time with Jesus on Saturday mornings :-)

Through My Eyes...

Yesterday was absolutely BEAUTIFUL... March 1st... and it is 70 degrees in Kansas?  I decided to take a stroll up Stagg Hill which sits on the east side of my yard... it turned into quite an adventure (mostly because I like to climb on things and the rocks were calling my name!!!).  But it also turned into an awesome time with God as He painted picture after marvelous picture right before my eyes :).  SO... I wanted to share a few of those pictures with you... cameras do not do justice to what it actually looked like (especially when my phone is the camera)... but I hope it blesses your eyes the way it did mine!!  God's creativity is absolutely wonderful!!!

When One Door Closes...

... God opens another.  Recently I have faced a wide array of emotions that have been thrown my way.  From sadness to excitement, disappointment to excitement, and failure to excitement... excitement that leads back to God in all areas once we seek to find Him in all areas.  Most recently disappointment has flooded my heart.  I was and sometimes am briefly discouraged at the door that closed.  It hurts... it will hurt a bit today... it will probably hurt a bit in a few months when I look at the position and think of how much better I could have done somebody else's job (admit it, you do it to :)... haha).  At first I felt as though the door was slammed in my face... you know the kind of slam that feels like some kind of sick joke.  Then I realized Satan was the one causing me to feel that way.  He took what can now be a learning experience, one that I am positive will be handled gently, and Satan took that and twisted it to make it seem as though I had failed.  For a few long hours that is how I felt à I felt like a failure... as though I had been let down by somebody I had trusted.  And in all honesty, I let this lead my heart to be angry towards this individual and that is not fair at all to them.  Whether it is "justified" or not or if others say I have a right to be upset, it was unintentional hurt and disappointment.  I am truly blessed by that person's spiritual maturity and life example lived out every day (especially when they go all sorts of "parent" on me at work and make me face them... painful at first, but a blessing done out of love and care none-the-less).

So I sit at my computer at lunch, ear buds in, shut off to the world, drowning out the two fellas who, on that day, kept my head above water.  I read a short blog by Lysa TerKeurst and what catches my eye is that she is talking about her thirteen year old daughter.  I had fought emotions all day, wondering why something that had seemed so perfect obviously wasn't so perfect after all.  I read "...I’ve decided sometimes being sad or mad over stuff like this is a complete waste of my time."  Wise words from a very young one.  Truth.  Because there will always be disappointment in this life and in this broken world... but God's promises will never fail and He will always hold true.  These promises will never be broken and He will never change.  "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." (Hebrews 13:8).  I am still CHOSEN by the most important One, even if I'm not by others in this life.  I trust Him... and I trust the decision made that has led to some disappointment.  I trust the person who made that decision because I trust in their relationship with our Lord Christ Jesus.

Fast forward to Alpha later that night.  I must admit that I had issues focusing (and no it was not because my crazy friends Noni and Robynn were distracting me).  I let my mind wander. I went to Alpha that night because I needed to hear God-talk.  God took that and led my mind and heart to a beautiful realization.  I am still CHOSEN.  I sat reflecting on the day's hurt, not sure why it bothered me the way it did.  I sat reflecting on the words of my supervisor, somebody I should probably go to and listen to more often than I do.  I sat thinking of Romans 8:28 "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."  I had read it that morning as one of my "chose/chosen" verses.  And then Jeremiah 29:11 went scrolling through my brain:  ""For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.""  A verse that gets me through some really tough let downs.  And then it dawns on me how much I should actually be excited that I did NOT get the job.  I saw this position as perfect for me... it was "right" in my eyes, but only God knows what is right.  God saw it differently and closed that door.  And closing that door looked different to me.  What was seen as imperfect to me, God will truly work out to perfection.  I think of how excited I was that I could work for somebody so stinkin awesome and so closely to one whose advice and guidance I hold so dear (I am still working for that person, just not as closely as I would have been with that position). 

God saw something different.  That door was closed because God has something different planned for me already.  He has something BETTER in store... and that is exciting right?  What could be better than what I saw as something so perfect?  Only God knows and that has me pretty pumped and jazzed right now!!!  It's a beautiful thing to think that God's perfect is better than my "perfect".  When one door closes... a better one opens.  When one door closes... God's perfection is opened.
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"We can make our own plans,
      but the LORD gives the right answer."
~*Proverbs 16:1*~

Against Me & For Me - AM - FM thoughts

I read this this morning and I really wanted to share it.  Some of you who know me, know the struggles I have when it comes to feeling "good enough" or "measuring up".  I've been reading through the book "A Confident Heart" by Renee Swope and it has been SUCH a blessing... I'd encourage anybody to read through it!!!  This cut to the core and made my heart smile this morning as I read it :)  I pray it does the same for you!!
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THINK --> FEEL --> LIVE

-When doubt comes against me, saying I'm not good enough, I will rely on the truth that God is for me!  He says I'm fearfully and wonderfully made; all of His works are wonderful and I am one of them (Psalm 139:14).

-When doubt comes against me, saying I'm weak and all alone, I will live in the truth that God is for me!  I can be strong and courageous because the Lord my God is with me.  He will never leave me nor forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6).

-When doubt comes against me, saying I shouldn't get my hopes up because I'll only be disappointed, I will depend on the truth that God is for me!  He has plans for my life that are filled with purpose and hope (Jeremiah 29:11).

-When doubt comes against me, saying I'm not good enough for a certain role or position, I will remember that God is for me!  He says I am His masterpiece, created to be new in Christ so that I could do good things He planned long ago (Ephesians 2:10).

-When doubt comes against me, saying nobody really loves me, I will hold on to to the truth that God is for me!  He loves me so much that He gave His only Son to live and die for me, and He chose me to be adopted into His family (John 3:16; Ephesians 1:4-5).

-When doubt comes against me, saying I can't do something because it's too hard, I will cling to the truth that God is for me!  He says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).

~"A Confident Heart" by Renee Swope~

Chosen

"Chosen:  of one selected, often for a special honor"

Emotional highs can be fun to ride for some time... but can lead to anxiety even before a low.  Lately, this has been the case for me... definitely more highs than lows recently... but those highs have left me craving more.  They have left me anxious about awesome opportunities that are out of my control at this point.  I had no idea what I was in for the past few weeks.  We never really have an idea of what God has in store for us... other than the fact that He wants us to crave HIM over what this world has to offer.  I recently wrote about "Waiting...".  This is something very difficult for me, as it is for a lot of people.  I would classify myself as a decently patient person... until it comes to waiting.  I can be patient with those around me but when a time rolls around to wait for an answer from others, my anxiety takes flight and usually soars into chest pains and high blood sugars (and probably high blood pressure as well... just sayin!!).

This week has taken me on one such adventure.  Finding out I was going to be on the worship team as a female vocalist at Faith E Free Church and also getting an interview for a position at work took me on this adventure.  I was starting to wonder whether I was going to make the team or even get an opportunity to interview.  I was so excited Tuesday night as I sat in my car outside of Chipotle, saw the interview request in one email account, and then reread multiple times the offer for worship team in the other email account.  What an awesome feeling!!!  It is a wonderful feeling to be "wanted" or "chosen" by those around you.  God's blessings never cease to amaze me.  But neither does my anxiety.  It shifted from excitement for one thing to fear and worry for another.  I was chosen for worship, but what if I am not chosen for this new position?  What if I mess up or don't do well on my interview?  You see, I was definitely excited (you can ask Noni, Robynn, or Yesinia and they will tell you just how excited I really was!!!).  What was sad is how anxiety trumped that excitement.  A later realization brought me down to earth a little bit:  my excitement and anxiety were based on what other people had thought of me.  Both were results of choices by others that were and are out of my control.

I have always had an issue with letting what other people think of me control me.  It is a problem I have developed growing up in a world where society controls you with appearance and we are most often driven by what others think of us.  Peer pressure... scandals... suicide... people's choice... what cars we drive, the house we live in, what we wear.  There is a difference between simple influence and allowing people's thoughts and decisions control us.  I have a problem with this.

Flash forward to the morning of my interview.  I've been slowly reading through the book "A Confident Heart".  Each week the author, Renee Swope, sends out a word and scripture reference.  I am browsing through my emails on Wednesday morning and stop on this email.  The word:  Chosen.  Simple as that.  The Scripture:

"But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light."
~*1 Peter 2:9*~

A chosen one.  A daughter.  Royal priesthood.  Holy.  God's princess.  I am sitting at my desk a little stunned.  So much in my life at the moment can be packed into that word and I didn't even know it.  Chosen.  On a day I know I have been chosen but long to be more, that is the word that floats my way.  I then catch myself praying that I truly am chosen.  However, a few days later I realize my heart may have been in the wrong place.  God SHOWING me that I am chosen... my heart still leaning on the approval of those around me.  The belief I dug up: that I am nothing unless I have the approval of the "important people"... the ones who can get you places... connections.  What a lie to live by, right?  That belief that "I am not good enough unless..." is rooted in this lie... the lie that approval from others was more important than the approval of the Creator of the universe.

There is a lot of work to do.  It can be painful.  For some reason it took sitting in an office looking at a simple diagram with beliefs written in the middle to get my mind and heart to meet and click.  A simple model and words from somebody I look up to... and God uses it to catch my attention.  A text message from somebody I admire to remind me who God is.  Chosen.  I realize a different meaning for this word:  Even if I am not chosen by those whose approval I so often seek, I AM chosen by God and His approval should be sought after far more than human approval.  Even when I mess up and the world seems to come down around me, God still loves me and always will.

He led me to Jeremiah 17:5-10:

"⁵ This is what the LORD says:
   “Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans,
      who rely on human strength
      and turn their hearts away from the LORD.
 ⁶ They are like stunted shrubs in the desert,
      with no hope for the future.
   They will live in the barren wilderness,
      in an uninhabited salty land.
 ⁷ “But blessed are those who trust in the LORD
      and have made the LORD their hope and confidence.
 ⁸ They are like trees planted along a riverbank,
      with roots that reach deep into the water.
   Such trees are not bothered by the heat
      or worried by long months of drought.
   Their leaves stay green,
      and they never stop producing fruit.
 ⁹ “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things,
      and desperately wicked.
      Who really knows how bad it is?
 ¹⁰ But I, the LORD, search all hearts
      and examine secret motives.
   I give all people their due rewards,
      according to what their actions deserve."

And then there is Galatians 1:10:

"Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant."

Both yesterday morning.  My challenge now is to find chosen throughout Scripture and read how I am chosen by God and realize how much more important that is than being chosen by others.  To give you a taste of the awesomeness that has already rang true, here is a bit of what I have been blessed to lay eyes on so far.  I want to leave you with some Scripture and an amazing thought to follow.  Thank you for sharing with me friends!!! :)

John 15:16 "You didn't choose me.  I chose you... "

Jesus made the choice to love and die for us and to invite us to share in eternal life and live with Him forever.  We make the choice to either accept or reject His offer.  His choice first; our choice second.  Without HIS choice, we would have no choice to make.

Waiting...

Patience and understanding… two things I often wish I would possess… two things that need to be learned.  Patience.  Waiting.  Trusting. Faith… faith in patience… trusting God in that wait.  And then understanding… understanding that He is in control no matter what, that He truly knows best even in the times that seem the worst.

It’s mid February… I’m sitting on the porch in my sweatpants and a jacket.  I’m sitting here watching golf carts cruise the “greens” which right now are pretty brown, soaking up the sunshine in mid February.  And I’m reflecting on what God may be teaching me.  So many thoughts to ponder… so much going on right now in my life and the lives of those I love and hold dearly.

I realize there is a lot to do with waiting.  Waiting to hear about an audition… praying I will find contentment in whatever role God plans for me to fill.  Waiting to hear what awaits me in regards to my job and the application submitted recently… praying for God to prepare my heart for whatever happens and that I would lean into Him no matter what the outcome.  Waiting for whatever news comes next and what the status of a dear loved one’s health may be… praying that even though it is painful to face, God would comfort the family and blanket us with His peace.

Waiting… and while I’m waiting I sit here sipping coffee, Micah’s music ringing in my ears at the moment, relaxing in the sunshine.  Cool breeze… a gentle whisper… mild weather… breathe in the mid February air… blessed in more than just the tangibles.  Reflecting on the blessing of sharing my favorites… the coffee, music, writing, and sunshine… sharing with the One I love most.  So blessed, infinitely more than I deserve to be blessed.  And my heart can’t fathom it as I struggle to take it all in.

A few short weeks ago, not understanding had my heart aching and tears flowing.  Thoughts flooded my mind, none of which I understood.  Why do I have to wait?  Why is waiting so difficult?  Why should I try?  Why do bad things happen to good people?  Why the people we hold close?  Why? What purpose?  Here is what my heart HAS come to understand:  God does not ask us to understand.  He asks us to have faith and to trust Him.

More questions flood the mind.  If I understand it all, then what would be the point of God?  If I figured it all out on my own, knew how to fix it all, and knew why, then what is the point of faith?  What would Jesus have accomplished through His death and resurrection?  What would be the purpose of this life and the love I experience?

But I don’t understand it all… and I don’t control any of it… so what am I left with? I’m realizing this is a good thing.  I am left with nothing except faith… trust in our Creator.  I am left to love and follow and to trust the One who controls it all.  I do question… I do get angry and upset at times… and there are definitely times when doubt creeps in, but ultimately it all comes down to faith.  I understand that God is in control and that He knows best even if I don’t understand the “why” behind it all.  And so patiently I wait… wait for the One who is in control to reveal and light up the next step on this journey known as my life.