Remind Me

So often when life doesn't seem to be what I want it to be, I lose sight of the big things... like who I am, not just to those around me but to the most important one of all, God.  I don't believe Him when He says loving things to me... when I read the loving things He promises... when He sings His song to me.  I forget who I am in Christ, having been redeemed and saved, a daughter of the King.  I so often, unfortunately can forget these things.  I am blind to love and care and the blessings around me... the blessings I can't even name and have lost count of.  Life is difficult when I can't escape from my own brain... when I'm so focused on me that I can't see anything else.  That is when life is difficult... when I make it about me.  What am I living for?  Anybody can get stuck in a rut and even though life is great they can feel down... invisible... and at times forgotten... all feelings I've dealt with recently.  But I know I'm cared for.  Little blessings, honest conversations, loving and caring guidance by the ones God has blessed me through... ones who set me back to the one I should be focused on.

And God?  He blesses me through verse, comfort, and song.  The verses I need to read and say out loud and share with others... the verses that others use to reinforce and grind into my brain just how much God really loves me and how much I mean to the King... and how much I am loved by, not just my physical family, but also my spiritual one.  And God blesses.  I'm written on the palm of his hand... marks that can never go away... marks that are there forever and will never go away or be let go.  He holds me... literally... in the palm of His hand.  My name is on His hand... put there by God Himself because He loves me.  Little me... loves the one who struggles and so often falls into the trap of thinking she doesn't mean anything, when in reality I mean so very much to Him.  And verses and songs fly down from Him to my weary and bleeding heart.  He sings to me.  Verses like Isaiah 49:16 "See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands." and another in Isaiah 43:4 "... you are precious to me.  You are honored, and I love you."  He speaks.  He sings, holds me in His hands, loves me, comforts me. 

I want to share a song that I heard for the first time a couple weeks ago.  I love the lyrics and it was a blessing in disguise when I heard it on my way to work.  It was exactly what I needed to hear... even if I didn't necessarily "listen" to the words.  I didn't pay much attention to it at first, but then I kept hearing it over and over again... and the phrase of "remind me who I am to you, I am loved by you" stuck in my head and heart.  The song is "Remind Me Who I am" by Jason Gray.  What is funny is that I tried to copy and paste the lyrics but I can't highlight them to copy and paste and therefore had to type them out word by word... and God speaks as I type them... reminding me who I am to Him even when I feel like I'm left behind or in the dark.  I hope you enjoy this song as much as I do!!!!
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"Remind Me Who I Am"
By:  Jason Gray

When I lose my way,
And I forget my name
Remind me who I am
In the mirror all I see
Is who I don't want to be
Remind me who I am

In the loneliest places
When I can't remember what grace is

Tell me, once again
Who I am to You, who I am to You
Tell me, lest I forget
Who I am to You, that I belong to You
To You

When my heart is like a stone,
And I'm running far from home
Remind me who I am
When I can't receive Your love
Afraid I'll never be enough
Remind me who I am

If I'm Your beloved
Can You help me believe it

Tell me, once again
Who I am to You, who I am to You
Tell me, lest I forget
Who I am to you, that I belong to You
To You

I'm the one You love
I'm the one You love
That will be enough
I'm the one You love

Tell me, once again
Who I am to You, Who I am to You
Tell me, lest I forget
Who I am to You, that I belong to You

Tell me, once again
Who I am to You, Who I am to You
Tell me, lest I forget
Who I am to You, that I belong to You
To You

12:50 a.m.

What do I do when it is 12:50 a.m. and for some unknown reason I cannot sleep?  I share my thoughts... which is dangerous when I'm used to being asleep for at least 3 hours by this point... and have to be up in 4.  But I am excited... my heart is smiling and my mind is relaxed... and it is not just because I am tired or delirious or in La la land because it is this late (or early).  It is because of the words of the people who care and love me.  It is because of words that give life and build up... and knowing that I have people who offer them and honestly mean what they are saying.  That is what excites me.  Because God is good... more than good... more than great... He is indescribable.  He is God.  To some that may not mean much at all.  To me it means everything.  It means life.  It means when I feel like I'm hanging by a thread that is unraveling, not sure what will happen if it breaks, He is that last strand that keeps holding on and never comes undone.  It means when I'm running up the down escalator, He is the one who makes it stop until I reach the top... then life is set back in motion.  God being God means everything to me.  My heart sings about Him, rejoices in Him, and resides in His light.  It means that my heart is blanketed by His love and joy... my mind resting in His hands, wrapped up in His peace.  Feelings that words cannot do any justice to.  God... my Provider, Rock, Husband, Redeemer... the fortress that guards me against the enemy... the white knight who rescues me from evil...  the love that sweeps me off my feet and guides me along a path in the right direction.  A light bulb flickers on... I do not know why now... I do not know why there was darkness to begin with.  I know it will be there and I may not always understand... if I understood then it wouldn't be there.  If I knew why there are times I am down, then I would fix it and would not allow there to be down times.  If I knew what was wrong, then I would make it right... but I don't know... and for some reason all of the sudden I am okay with that.  That reason is God.  That reason is the purpose of me being here... living... breathing... loving... praising.  That reason is God.  Was it something somebody said to me?  It is nothing I haven't heard over and over and over again... it was the source of the Word.  I am precious... honored... and loved.  I'm a princess... a daughter of the King.  Not merely words to try and convince myself I'm happy... they are words given by my Lover, my King, the Creator to one child He loves... considers precious.  The words of those around me who love Him... breathing life into a weary heart... calling that heart and spirit precious... a treasure... a blessing.  His love shining through those who love Him.  And it all comes back to Him.  God.  The End... and Beginning... and Forever.  God.  Yeah... thoughts at 12:50 a.m.  (now really 1:05 a.m.).  Quite wonderful thoughts to have meandering through my head at 1:05 a.m.
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Verses that have inspired me to write at such an hour:

"...you are precious to me.
      You are honored, and I love you."

~*Isaiah 43:4 (NLT)*~


"For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires."

~*Hebrews 4:12 (NLT)*~

Psalm 32:7-8

Recently I have been struggling with a difficult discussion that needed to be had.  It was one of those ones that most really do not enjoy having.  The topic:  Boundaries.  I pushed of the promptings to have "the talk" as I did not want to face the results or reactions of the other person involved.  I was trying to lean on myself, my own strength instead of allowing God's protection to blanket me.  I did not want to hurt the other person by setting a boundary... but if it was not set then both of us would end up in the negative and hurt.  I struggled and shrugged off the Spirit's lead for far too long.

Then I followed... and struggled more.  I fought back the feeling of being angry with myself, feeling like a jerk, and a bad friend for saying something.  Then came God's gentle reminder:  I am His daughter... a daughter of the King.  I am His beloved... not a jerk.  God loves me and His love means more to me than any love offered from the flesh.  He will protect and strengthen me for I am His.  And even when the issues is difficult, He knows what is best for me.  God will lead me down the best path through my life... even if it seems a bit close to the edge or narrow at times.  I have to accept that guidance and simply just follow, knowing He is watching over me and planned out every step of the way.
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" ⁷ For you are my hiding place;
      you protect me from trouble.
      You surround me with songs of victory.
 ⁸ The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
      I will advise you and watch over you.""

~*Psalm 32:7-8 (NLT)*~

Psalm 19:14

I want to share a few verses that have been on my heart lately and give a brief insight as to how they help me through a day when I really lean on God's strength in the Word.  The first is one of my favorites and has been a verse that I have kept close for almost a year now.  Matthew 6:21 says, "Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be."  It has tied into my word for the year:  Focus.  Where is my heart focused and what do I consider to be my treasure?  I often get caught up in the world in general... and mostly the world of finances.  Here lately the world of "bodily image" has popped up on my radar as compliments are given... but I cannot take credit and know that the focus is on being healthy for God's purpose, not my own.  The second verse is one that was laid on my heart a little over a week ago.  Deuteronomy 13:4 says, "Serve only the Lord your God and fear him alone. Obey his commands, listen to his voice, and cling to him."  The questions posed in my heart are: who am I "serving", why and what do I fear what I do, and who is it that I'm clinging to?  I have this struggle, as many people do, to run to people with my issues and complaints instead of running to the One... the Creator.  This verse, along with Jeremiah 17:5, have really put my "running" in perspective.  Why not run to the one who created me?  Why instead do I want to run to somebody who, if they are honest, does not know it all?  Just sayin!!  The most recent verse is one that God took me to in the wee hours of this day.  Psalm 19:14 says, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."  It took me slightly by surprise, but rested my heart.  It took me back to a week ago to a meaningful conversation I had with somebody about a prayer being said on the way to work... that it would be God who guides words and actions.  God meant for those words to be spoken with the gentleness in which they were spoken so that I would hear them, even if I did not necessarily understand their significance at the time. 

This verse is now a prayer of my heart.  The beautiful poetry about God's greatness and why I should trust in Him caught my attention and now sticks like glue to my mind.  The prayer of my heart is to be pleasing to God even when I may not be so to the people around me.  Every thought, word, and action that comes from me needs to be for Him.  A question asked in my Life Application Bible that got me thinking:  Would you change the way you live if you know that every word and thought would be examined by God first?  So I then thought:  Do you change how you act if your boss is around (or in the case of some it is their boss’s boss)?  Do you watch your language and actions around your mother?  (I giggled some when I thought of the phrase "do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"... then again I have been pretty giggly today so you may not find that as funny as I did in my conversation with God this morning).  But really, God is not with me only some of the time like "mere humans" are... He is with me always.  He knows the words before I speak them and the thoughts before I think them... Psalm 139 is yet another passage that I LOVE to read but I will let you look that up on your own time ;).  A good thought to end on, taken again from my Life Application Bible:  As you begin each day, determine that God's love will guide what you say and how you think.  That is all friends!!  I just wanted to share the "God-excitement" from my life at this point in time!!!

Jeremiah 29:11-14

Recently... like yesterday... I have realized something.  It was an epiphany of sorts... definitely a harsh realization but more than that it was wonderful.  What did I realize?  I have been selfish.  I knew it before but did not realize the extent of my selfishness until being called out by somebody I look up to.  My selfishness has torn me down and away from God.  My selfishness said me over God.  At the beginning of this year I chose a word for the year.  That word:  Focus.  I pray for it because I want my life to be focused and it has been to some extent but not completely where my focus NEEDS to be.  God has been tweaking that focus, adjusting my heart vision to where it should be.  Little by little I have began to see my selfishness and just how negative my attitude and heart have been because of it.  I sit here and write almost every morning and although what I write is definitely true, it does not stick with me throughout the day like it should.  Why?  Because of a lack of focus on God.  That lack of focus has led to more than just selfishness.  It has led to a lack of trust, faith, and reliance on God.  I have not sought Him the way my heart, not just should, but NEEDS to seek Him in order to keep focused.  I look at this past week and realize that those things that have put me in a bad mood or frustrated me are such small, temporary, and barely minor details that there is no reason to be upset about them.  So small the issues in my life, yet somehow they seem larger than that.  Everything happens for a reason, to fine tune and grow, but not everything (or anything) should be blown up to life size proportions the way they sometimes are.  I want to see positive so first I need to be it.  I see a person I admire walking around with a smile and shining with confidence in God and I realize that I want that.  I realize that is a choice I have to make every second of every day.  I realize that my life is not as bad as I act like it is.  I have it SOOOOO easy compared to most.  I am blessed.  I need to live as such.  I realize that the life I want to live, a life of confidence and joy in God can only be achieved by Him.  It can be achieved by focus on the One who can break the chains that bind.  That focus is a decision that I am excited to make.
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""For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.  In those days when you pray, I will listen.  If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.  I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”"

~*Jeremiah 29:11-14 (NLT)*~

Psalm 62:1-2

Silence:  a lesson being learned.  Quiet.  Still. Tranquil.  Peaceful.  Lately none of these words have described my heart.  It has been restless and anxious, crying out to God, worrying that maybe He was not hearing me or that I was not "praying or asking the "right way"".  But He does hear.  God does hear the cry of hearts who love Him and long for Him.  Even though He may be silent for a time, He never leaves me alone and is always there to comfort me.  My heart was screaming for a sign, my mind was racing without brakes, worrying that He just was not hearing me.  In all honesty, I was just being impatient.  I was not quiet.  My mind was not still.  My heart was not at rest in Him.  All of this because I was not patient and I did not feel like waiting for Him.  But He was waiting for me.  Boundaries stretched but not broken.  God delivered as He always does, a sign that He does hear and is near to a restless heart.  And the raging storm was calmed by His mighty, protective hand.  He knows what I can handle, even if I often doubt it.  He knows that patience will grow as faith in Him grows.  Silence, my lesson being learned:  the stillness and peace of God.  What a comfort.  What a blessing.
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¹ I wait quietly before God,
      for my victory comes from him.
 ² He alone is my rock and my salvation,
      my fortress where I will never be shaken.

~*Psalm 62:1-2 (NLT)*~

Craziness Known as Life

What a weekend it has been.  What a stretch the past month has been.  What a battle life has been.  In the mix of good and bad there is God.  In the mix of my life there has been the bad.  In the mix of my struggles there has been the good.  In the mix has been my God.  He has this tendency to humble us by whatever means He needs.  I am broken before Him, crushed, exhausted, and beaten.  God – the only One who can put together the shattered.  Put together the way God wants me to be put together, not how I imagined me or necessarily want to be put together.  Because God is the artist and I am the work of His hands, His work of art, He puts me together the way the Creator works a masterpiece.  Shattered… it is the place most have to be taken to in order to see the glory of God in life.  To some, that sounds silly, I know it did to me at first but now I see it.  Because I am powerless to defend my life and fight for myself, the only place God can get me to realize I need Him is a place of breaking me down.  That is how I could describe life lately.  Hectic, anxious, weary, and finally to the point of broken is life.  It is amazing how quickly God pieces life back together.  It is amazing how quickly He can turn a heart to look to Him.  I have seen the glimpses here and there.  I have caught a blessing and KNEW that was what it was, a blessing.  But I did not lean into His presence and His glory.  It is hard but nobody said it would be easy.  Hit like a ton of bricks it can be a crushing blow known as being humbled by God.  If I don’t humble me, God will.  He did it and it is astounding!!!  Jeremiah 17:5-10 because I have not trusted in God and it is so easy to run to somebody over God because they are visibly standing right in front of me.  I have trusted too much in “mere humans” and not enough in God.  2 Chronicles 14:11 because I am powerless to defend myself against anything in life and only God can battle for me.  I have relied on a power of my own over the power that created eternity and gave breath to life.  Deuteronomy 13:4 because I have served more than God and have not been on my knees in obedience to Him when He has called.  I have not clung to Him as God but developed the “plus God” disease… my job plus God, my finances plus God, my life plus God… and nothing should be in addition to God.  It should be God alone.  And the final blow… the knock out and comfort that everything happens for a reason, God-incidence not coincidence Romans 8:28 because everything works together and happens for a purpose.  Because I couldn’t see that everything works together and my peanut brain couldn’t believe it or trust in it.  My heart strayed, turned away, and sulked until I couldn’t take it… but a shoulder to cry on was God.  He answered.  He comforted.  He gave clarity and blessing and peace and hope.  And I know.  I know that I am not alone because it is spelled out all over the Bible that God is with me wherever I am.  Joshua 1:9 because I needed to remember God is with me.  A text message taken as a sign for a listening ear… impeccable timing but God’s plan nonetheless.  Wisdom and love given by God.  Life only given by God.  That is the craziness known as my life at this point.  A craziness blanketed in love by my God who never leaves me alone and gives me support and ears to cry to but not abuse or run to over Him.  A humbling experience when I need it most blanketed by His peace and comfort because He is God and only He can fight my battle for me… I can’t even fight for myself.  Only God because He is God.  That is enough for me.

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" ⁵ This is what the Lord says:
   “Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans,
      who rely on human strength
      and turn their hearts away from the Lord.
 ⁶ They are like stunted shrubs in the desert,
      with no hope for the future.
   They will live in the barren wilderness,
      in an uninhabited salty land.

 ⁷ “But blessed are those who trust in the Lord
      and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.
 ⁸ They are like trees planted along a riverbank,
      with roots that reach deep into the water.
   Such trees are not bothered by the heat
      or worried by long months of drought.
   Their leaves stay green,
      and they never stop producing fruit.

 ⁹ “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things,
      and desperately wicked.
      Who really knows how bad it is?
 ¹⁰ But I, the Lord, search all hearts
      and examine secret motives.
   I give all people their due rewards,
      according to what their actions deserve.”"

~*Jeremiah 17:5-10*~

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"...O Lord, no one but you can help the powerless against the mighty! Help us, O Lord our God, for we trust in you alone..."

~*2 Chronicles 14:11*~

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"Serve only the Lord your God and fear him alone. Obey his commands, listen to his voice, and cling to him."

~*Deuteronomy 13:4*~

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"This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

~*Joshua 1:9*~

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"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."

~*Romans 8:28*~

Isaiah 26:1-6

Have you ever seen a shooting star?  Did you sit back and marvel at it... the creativity of God?  This has been somewhat of a rough week yet a lot of learning is being done.  I have been restless, anxious, and worn out... all from wrestling and battling and worrying.  I ask God for signs, a kind word here or there, or to show me something in His glory.  I have gotten a few but this morning was AMAZING!!!  As I stepped out of my apartment to go to work, I just happened to look up.  And there I saw it.  I saw God's sign directly in front of me, exactly where I looked.  The most wonderful shooting star streaked a short line through my sight and although it didn't last more than a half of a second, it was all I needed.  God used His creativity, majesty, and excellence and in just half a second He had all of my attention.  I found myself looking up my entire way to work, searching the skies for more of the same beauty and wonder I had just witnessed a short time before.  Then it hit me and God was definitely speaking to my heart.  The way I was searching the skies for yet another shooting star, that is how I should be seeking after Him.  The way I was looking up is where I need to look to find Him.  I will admit that this has been a bit difficult lately, but God knows what I need.  He knew a simple sign of beauty would get me to look up and search for more.  God knew how to draw my attention to Him and open the ears of my heart to hear.  He has my attention, eyes, ears, and all.
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"... Our city is strong!
      We are surrounded by the walls of God’s salvation.
 ² Open the gates to all who are righteous;
      allow the faithful to enter.
 ³ You will keep in perfect peace
      all who trust in you,
      all whose thoughts are fixed on you!
 ⁴ Trust in the Lord always,
      for the Lord God is the eternal Rock.
 ⁵ He humbles the proud
      and brings down the arrogant city.
      He brings it down to the dust.
 ⁶ The poor and oppressed trample it underfoot,
      and the needy walk all over it."

~*Isaiah 26:1-6 (NLT)*~

James 4:7-8

It amazes me everyday to see how God works, not just in my life, but in the lives of those around me.  What amazes me more is His presence and peace in my life in the good and the bad times.  I have felt it so much lately and it is indescribable.  Through the words and prayers of friends I have felt a calming peace and know that it is God's blessing and presence.  As I run and read and learn more and more about His faithfulness, I feel Him present here.  In a battle being fought but already won by Christ, I see His glory and majesty and know that when I am near to God, Satan stands no chance.  When I am surrounded by the prayers of those who love Jesus, I am blanketed and shielded by a wall that cannot be knocked down simply because of the power of Christ.  The nearer to God I am, the further away from Satan I am.
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"So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.  Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world."

~*James 4:7-8 (NLT)*~

James 1:12-15

Why is there evil in this world?  Could it be simply because we, mankind, exist?  Just a thought that has been circulating in my head.  God is not evil, nor does he lead us to do evil.  Satan tempts us and we choose to either give it up to God or give in to temptation.  I face it everyday.  Most everybody, I assume, faces temptation every day.  Some choose God.  Others choose the worldly self-satisfaction.  Have you ever wondered what life would be like here on earth if 10% more would choose God over self?  What about even just 5%?  I know evil would still exist in this place and that temptations would still present themselves as obstacles for our hearts and minds.  But how sweet would that be?  God doesn't tempt, but he does provide us a way out and through temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13).

How do you combat temptation and evil?  Recently I have struggled mightily with this question.  Prayer?    How often?  Do I still have God on my side?  FOR SURE!!!!  I have to remember the race that I am running and why I am running it.  My heart has often lost focus on the cross this past month.  I have been set on finishing for me.  I have sought approval and at times attention from others over that of God.  My heart lost focus on what matters the most and who matters the most.  I was not set on the cross.  Only the greatest and best gift, the shiniest and most prestigious award can be given by God.  Only God can crown with the crown of eternal life.
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"God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.  And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else.  Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away.  These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death."

~*James 1:12-15 (NLT)*~

Hebrews 12:1-3

Endurance is something to be built gradually over a steady period of time.  It is not something that is instantaneous, that happens overnight or in one workout.  In a previous post I mentioned that I am working my way through the Couch to 5K running plan.  It is a gradual process of building endurance and getting into shape.  I am on week two which means running for longer periods of time.  With endurance and strength building, the first workout of this week (week two) is difficult, but not as difficult as it would have been had I not gone through week one of the training plan.  Day two of week two was already easier than day one of week two. 

Such it is in life I am learning.  My endurance, strength, and mental and spiritual health have taken a decently big hit recently.  At first my question was the usual "why God?" question.  Courtesy of proper "training" it is now the "what are you doing through this God?" and "how are you working in this God?" questions.  So often the "why" is the first question when I struggle.  It is becoming more and more what it should be and that is the "what" and "how" replacing the "why".  Through the restless but not quite sleepless nights and days of "fatigue" it has been difficult to ask and see the "what" God is working in my life.  Endurance... little by little, over a stretched and steady period of time, God is building that endurance in me.  He has provided me with the proper "training equipment" and has blessed me with so many wonderful "coaches" to push me and hold me accountable.  The strength to persevere can only be found in Christ who faced much more than I will ever face.  That is the fuel to keep going.
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"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.  We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne.  Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up."


~*Hebrews 12:1-3 (NLT)*~