Recently... like yesterday... I have realized something. It was an epiphany of sorts... definitely a harsh realization but more than that it was wonderful. What did I realize? I have been selfish. I knew it before but did not realize the extent of my selfishness until being called out by somebody I look up to. My selfishness has torn me down and away from God. My selfishness said me over God. At the beginning of this year I chose a word for the year. That word: Focus. I pray for it because I want my life to be focused and it has been to some extent but not completely where my focus NEEDS to be. God has been tweaking that focus, adjusting my heart vision to where it should be. Little by little I have began to see my selfishness and just how negative my attitude and heart have been because of it. I sit here and write almost every morning and although what I write is definitely true, it does not stick with me throughout the day like it should. Why? Because of a lack of focus on God. That lack of focus has led to more than just selfishness. It has led to a lack of trust, faith, and reliance on God. I have not sought Him the way my heart, not just should, but NEEDS to seek Him in order to keep focused. I look at this past week and realize that those things that have put me in a bad mood or frustrated me are such small, temporary, and barely minor details that there is no reason to be upset about them. So small the issues in my life, yet somehow they seem larger than that. Everything happens for a reason, to fine tune and grow, but not everything (or anything) should be blown up to life size proportions the way they sometimes are. I want to see positive so first I need to be it. I see a person I admire walking around with a smile and shining with confidence in God and I realize that I want that. I realize that is a choice I have to make every second of every day. I realize that my life is not as bad as I act like it is. I have it SOOOOO easy compared to most. I am blessed. I need to live as such. I realize that the life I want to live, a life of confidence and joy in God can only be achieved by Him. It can be achieved by focus on the One who can break the chains that bind. That focus is a decision that I am excited to make.
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""For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”"
~*Jeremiah 29:11-14 (NLT)*~
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