Chosen

"Chosen:  of one selected, often for a special honor"

Emotional highs can be fun to ride for some time... but can lead to anxiety even before a low.  Lately, this has been the case for me... definitely more highs than lows recently... but those highs have left me craving more.  They have left me anxious about awesome opportunities that are out of my control at this point.  I had no idea what I was in for the past few weeks.  We never really have an idea of what God has in store for us... other than the fact that He wants us to crave HIM over what this world has to offer.  I recently wrote about "Waiting...".  This is something very difficult for me, as it is for a lot of people.  I would classify myself as a decently patient person... until it comes to waiting.  I can be patient with those around me but when a time rolls around to wait for an answer from others, my anxiety takes flight and usually soars into chest pains and high blood sugars (and probably high blood pressure as well... just sayin!!).

This week has taken me on one such adventure.  Finding out I was going to be on the worship team as a female vocalist at Faith E Free Church and also getting an interview for a position at work took me on this adventure.  I was starting to wonder whether I was going to make the team or even get an opportunity to interview.  I was so excited Tuesday night as I sat in my car outside of Chipotle, saw the interview request in one email account, and then reread multiple times the offer for worship team in the other email account.  What an awesome feeling!!!  It is a wonderful feeling to be "wanted" or "chosen" by those around you.  God's blessings never cease to amaze me.  But neither does my anxiety.  It shifted from excitement for one thing to fear and worry for another.  I was chosen for worship, but what if I am not chosen for this new position?  What if I mess up or don't do well on my interview?  You see, I was definitely excited (you can ask Noni, Robynn, or Yesinia and they will tell you just how excited I really was!!!).  What was sad is how anxiety trumped that excitement.  A later realization brought me down to earth a little bit:  my excitement and anxiety were based on what other people had thought of me.  Both were results of choices by others that were and are out of my control.

I have always had an issue with letting what other people think of me control me.  It is a problem I have developed growing up in a world where society controls you with appearance and we are most often driven by what others think of us.  Peer pressure... scandals... suicide... people's choice... what cars we drive, the house we live in, what we wear.  There is a difference between simple influence and allowing people's thoughts and decisions control us.  I have a problem with this.

Flash forward to the morning of my interview.  I've been slowly reading through the book "A Confident Heart".  Each week the author, Renee Swope, sends out a word and scripture reference.  I am browsing through my emails on Wednesday morning and stop on this email.  The word:  Chosen.  Simple as that.  The Scripture:

"But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light."
~*1 Peter 2:9*~

A chosen one.  A daughter.  Royal priesthood.  Holy.  God's princess.  I am sitting at my desk a little stunned.  So much in my life at the moment can be packed into that word and I didn't even know it.  Chosen.  On a day I know I have been chosen but long to be more, that is the word that floats my way.  I then catch myself praying that I truly am chosen.  However, a few days later I realize my heart may have been in the wrong place.  God SHOWING me that I am chosen... my heart still leaning on the approval of those around me.  The belief I dug up: that I am nothing unless I have the approval of the "important people"... the ones who can get you places... connections.  What a lie to live by, right?  That belief that "I am not good enough unless..." is rooted in this lie... the lie that approval from others was more important than the approval of the Creator of the universe.

There is a lot of work to do.  It can be painful.  For some reason it took sitting in an office looking at a simple diagram with beliefs written in the middle to get my mind and heart to meet and click.  A simple model and words from somebody I look up to... and God uses it to catch my attention.  A text message from somebody I admire to remind me who God is.  Chosen.  I realize a different meaning for this word:  Even if I am not chosen by those whose approval I so often seek, I AM chosen by God and His approval should be sought after far more than human approval.  Even when I mess up and the world seems to come down around me, God still loves me and always will.

He led me to Jeremiah 17:5-10:

"⁵ This is what the LORD says:
   “Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans,
      who rely on human strength
      and turn their hearts away from the LORD.
 ⁶ They are like stunted shrubs in the desert,
      with no hope for the future.
   They will live in the barren wilderness,
      in an uninhabited salty land.
 ⁷ “But blessed are those who trust in the LORD
      and have made the LORD their hope and confidence.
 ⁸ They are like trees planted along a riverbank,
      with roots that reach deep into the water.
   Such trees are not bothered by the heat
      or worried by long months of drought.
   Their leaves stay green,
      and they never stop producing fruit.
 ⁹ “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things,
      and desperately wicked.
      Who really knows how bad it is?
 ¹⁰ But I, the LORD, search all hearts
      and examine secret motives.
   I give all people their due rewards,
      according to what their actions deserve."

And then there is Galatians 1:10:

"Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant."

Both yesterday morning.  My challenge now is to find chosen throughout Scripture and read how I am chosen by God and realize how much more important that is than being chosen by others.  To give you a taste of the awesomeness that has already rang true, here is a bit of what I have been blessed to lay eyes on so far.  I want to leave you with some Scripture and an amazing thought to follow.  Thank you for sharing with me friends!!! :)

John 15:16 "You didn't choose me.  I chose you... "

Jesus made the choice to love and die for us and to invite us to share in eternal life and live with Him forever.  We make the choice to either accept or reject His offer.  His choice first; our choice second.  Without HIS choice, we would have no choice to make.