Waiting...

Patience and understanding… two things I often wish I would possess… two things that need to be learned.  Patience.  Waiting.  Trusting. Faith… faith in patience… trusting God in that wait.  And then understanding… understanding that He is in control no matter what, that He truly knows best even in the times that seem the worst.

It’s mid February… I’m sitting on the porch in my sweatpants and a jacket.  I’m sitting here watching golf carts cruise the “greens” which right now are pretty brown, soaking up the sunshine in mid February.  And I’m reflecting on what God may be teaching me.  So many thoughts to ponder… so much going on right now in my life and the lives of those I love and hold dearly.

I realize there is a lot to do with waiting.  Waiting to hear about an audition… praying I will find contentment in whatever role God plans for me to fill.  Waiting to hear what awaits me in regards to my job and the application submitted recently… praying for God to prepare my heart for whatever happens and that I would lean into Him no matter what the outcome.  Waiting for whatever news comes next and what the status of a dear loved one’s health may be… praying that even though it is painful to face, God would comfort the family and blanket us with His peace.

Waiting… and while I’m waiting I sit here sipping coffee, Micah’s music ringing in my ears at the moment, relaxing in the sunshine.  Cool breeze… a gentle whisper… mild weather… breathe in the mid February air… blessed in more than just the tangibles.  Reflecting on the blessing of sharing my favorites… the coffee, music, writing, and sunshine… sharing with the One I love most.  So blessed, infinitely more than I deserve to be blessed.  And my heart can’t fathom it as I struggle to take it all in.

A few short weeks ago, not understanding had my heart aching and tears flowing.  Thoughts flooded my mind, none of which I understood.  Why do I have to wait?  Why is waiting so difficult?  Why should I try?  Why do bad things happen to good people?  Why the people we hold close?  Why? What purpose?  Here is what my heart HAS come to understand:  God does not ask us to understand.  He asks us to have faith and to trust Him.

More questions flood the mind.  If I understand it all, then what would be the point of God?  If I figured it all out on my own, knew how to fix it all, and knew why, then what is the point of faith?  What would Jesus have accomplished through His death and resurrection?  What would be the purpose of this life and the love I experience?

But I don’t understand it all… and I don’t control any of it… so what am I left with? I’m realizing this is a good thing.  I am left with nothing except faith… trust in our Creator.  I am left to love and follow and to trust the One who controls it all.  I do question… I do get angry and upset at times… and there are definitely times when doubt creeps in, but ultimately it all comes down to faith.  I understand that God is in control and that He knows best even if I don’t understand the “why” behind it all.  And so patiently I wait… wait for the One who is in control to reveal and light up the next step on this journey known as my life.