Inked: My Story

Long story short: we are all affected by mental illness is some way, shape, or form. It may be a sibling, a lover, a friend, you.  This person may have made their struggle known. Maybe they have not.  Be a safe place. 

Too often people feel as though they are alone.  They feel judged and criticized.  Society has placed this stigma on mental illness that I think, thankfully, is being broken a little.  I am thankful because in the dark is no place to be.  

I've been there.  I've heard the possible diagnoses of bipolar, panic disorder, anxiety, clinical depression.  I've spent time sorting through medications with doctors to try and find the ones that work best with each other and did not cause issues with other medical problems.  I've experienced the uncontrollable anxiety.... the kind that restricts breathing.  I've walked through the darkness of depression... the kind that makes you lay in bed and not want to move... longing for a light at the end of the tunnel.  I've crept through the thoughts of suicide... when Satan whispers in one ear to do it.  I've experienced the power of the Holy Spirit closing my ears to those whispers and moving me to dispose of anything that could be harmful... and to reach out. 

I've done this as a Christian who has faith in God and believes in what Christ did for me on the cross. I was not experiencing these things because I didn't have enough faith. I wasn't experiencing these things because I wasn't eating healthy or exercising appropriately. I was experiencing these things because there was something physically wrong and out of balance in my body.  Just like with my diabetes I needed medical attention.  I need a doctor to walk me through it. I need medications to keep my body balanced.  And I needed love and support. And I'm blessed to have a loving family, to have friends I can confide in, and a Father in Heaven who loves me more than any of these people could ever love me COMBINED. 

Faith, hope, and love. The greatest of these is Love. 

Love covers a multitude of sin. 

Love is patient and kind. 

God loves us SO MUCH that Christ, his only son, died on a cross. Not just for me. But for you. He loves you too!!!  I am a much healthier person today than I was two years ago because I had faith and even though it was shaky I was loved and given hope by those surrounding me.  From a mother who spent days with me after a hospital release (not to mention birthing me and raising me) to a friend who willingly met with me to talk through life and give me hope that God still loved me even in the midst of the struggles.  And other friends who would stay up in conversation and prayer with me, reiterating how much Jesus loves me. 

Friends, He never stops loving us. He is the same today as He was yesterday and will be tomorrow.  Love. It's a strong word.  Make it a movement. Be hope and love for somebody. Listen to their story. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to be angry.  Walk with them. Do life with them. Be hope for them.  

My tattoo is a reminder that I am loved.  The non-profit organization "To Write Love On Her Arm" is one that gives hope. It is a place to talk your story. It is a movement.  The stories are true to the heart. The struggles expressed are real struggles. Don't ignore them. It's time to speak out.  If you need help it is time to get help.  Speak out!!! You are not alone. 

The story behind To Write Love On Her Arm is a good one. I'd recommend the reading of the original story. The story is posted below.  Write love on their arm.  Be a voice for those who have no voice or may be too scared to speak.  This is the story behind my ink.  I can look down and see a beautiful reminder of love. And see infinity knowing that God is the only infinite and that He is pure, unadulterated love.

https://twloha.com/learn/story/

Discipline - 2016

“No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.”  Hebrews 12:11 NLT

Each year I choose a word to define the year... Something to strive for. 2015 was Focus - and I struggled mightily and failed often to stay focused on the present. 2015 was a rough year. Something I lacked was discipline. Life needs it. God approves of it. It is necessary to live fully and be disciplined. Being disciplined with something small, like making my bed each day or doing the dishes often, can carry over into the bigger things in life, like finances and health.  Maybe the biggest discipline of all that takes a small amount of time each day: being disciplined spiritually. Being in the Word (even if it is listening to the Word) and hearing what God is saying. Being disciplined and understanding that we don't have to KNOW what is going to happen but learning to KNOW God and that ultimately He is in control of what is happening in my life and trusting His ways. So as far as a New Years resolution: learn discipline. Discipline around the house. Discipline in what I eat and how often I exercise. Discipline financially.  Discipline at and in my work.  Discipline spiritually.  Discipline takes patience and work. In the end, discipline is worth it. 

Crafty

The hobbies and gifts that I discovered in 2015. 

Identity

We are... God's children, joined with the Spirit, adopted sons and daughters of the King.
We are... followers, driven by His Spirit, heirs of the Kingdom and His glory with Jesus His Son.
We are... ransomed and paid for by the blood of the most precious and perfect sacrifice.
We are loved.  We are saved.  We are forgiven.  We are free.

Lonely Spaces

Lonely Spaces
By:  Sharina Schaller
05/30/2015

There are lonely spaces
I've filled with things and faces
Still lonely
And still weak
Exist these lonely places

Void, bitter, and empty
Describe the feeling within me
Not happy
Never full
Within these ugly places

Lord fill these lonely spaces
Joy is where your face is
Not things
Nor places
Can fill these empty spaces

The gap is far too wide
Too enormous to hide
From my mind
To my heart
You connect the pieces

Lonely yet not alone
Through cheers and painful groans
A cry for help
Or glorious praise
You fill the empty spaces

Have mercy on me Lord
A call to your reward
Not man
Nor Material
You be in their places

Fill the lonely spaces
With your mercies and your graces
When happy
Or discontent
Please fill my lonely spaces

In the Midst

My friend and I talked Wednesday on our way to my appointment in Topeka about how God made us in His image and how we are supposed to strive to be LIKE Christ... Not BE Him but to be like Him. We will never BE Him.  We will never know what it feels like to be God in the form of man. We will never know the feeling of taking on the sin of the world. We will never know the feeling of God turning away from is in a moment of despair. But Christ does. He knows more pain than we will ever know even in our darkest hour. We disussed how God works everything for our good and how He had plans to prosper us but how at times we overlook the other part of that. Yes Christ accomplished what He was sent to accomplish and in that He was successful and through that we are blessed to experience Love. But how much verbal, emotional, mental, and physical pain did He experience? To be like Him we will go through that to some extent not as close to as great as His experience. We have to experience that to some extent in order to be like Him. We may not realize it or know what that will look like but in some our many ways we will experience and persevere through some or many types of pain. Good perspective to think on for sure.

Thankful

Thankful for the ability to feel pain... A humble reminder that I am a mere mortal.  A grateful reminder of the pain endured on the Cross. For experiencing healing... A gentle reminder I am only human.  A beneficial reminder that, in order to take each breath, every step, and live a single moment of a given day, I have to lean on He who has been there, He who has made me. Thankful for the gift of living

Thankful for Hope... For Him to lead me through... For He never lets go of my hand regardless of the circumstances. Thankful for that small thread of Hope that keeps me hanging on to Him.  Hope for healing... Even if that healing may not find me physically, that it would find me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  Thankful for the Hope that is Jesus.

Thankful for family... I am blessed.  For the peace and comfort of being a DAUGHTER of the ONE TRUE KING... His PRINCESS... a CHILD of the CREATOR OF LIFE, of all things above, below, and in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE.  For the family He has blessed me with... The support, care, love, and prayers of my brothers and sisters around the globe... From Kansas to Washington to Indiana... From Africa to Japan and back again. Thankful for healing hands and shared wisdom... For provided knowledge, sought out life, and support.  Thankful for who He has blessed me with and the incredible and eternal family I am a part of.

Thankful for the little things... Quiet. Rest. Stillness. Peace. Solitude. Coffee. Comfort. Writing. Relationships. Fellowship. Laughter. Rain. Green plants. Blue skies. White clouds.  The calm in the small raindrops during a summer rain shower. Hearing the rain and seeing it fall. The miracle of life.  The miracles in life. A trusting friend.  Thoughtfulness. A mini-vacation. Rolling hills. Rumbling thunder.  Sun showers.  Peaceful bliss.

Thankful for a Loving Father... Beautiful Creator... Infinite Being... Holy Redeemer... Wonderful Savior.  Kindness. Mercy. Gentleness. Humility. Peace. Love. Servanthood. Sacrifice. Rest. Calm. Graciousness.  For His Cross and Salvation that comes from it.  An ETERNITY spent with the One who gave it ALL so that I might run to Him, know Him, love Him, and follow Him.  Thankful for the One who picks me up and dusts me off when I fall... And NEVER stops loving me.  For His Path, Guidance, and Love.  Thankful for hills and valleys, the heights of the mountains and the depths of the seas.

Thankful that my King lives and loves and never lets go of me.